Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Some relief is gracing my life

The last three months or so I have been struggling with school. Or maybe it's just struggling to maintain my mojo. I still have a 3.96 GPA and am acing all my classes but with that comes hours and hours of focus, mental capacity, and concentration. Those three things have been barely hanging on...this last class that I just finished being the worst.

I have been near tears or in tears with stress and the pressure I put on myself to maintain is enormous..yeah, a lot of it is my fault. But succeeding in school is a priority to me...I sucked in high school because I slacked off and didn't take it seriously. When I tried I failed miserably because I never paid attention to those things I needed to in order to succeed in the whole purpose of the classes I was in. Now though, I want to succeed to prove to me that I was actually just a slacker and didn't apply myself. And so far, yep, I'm doing great job at that.

However, today is the first day of a much needed leave of absence from the 24/7 grind and marathon I have been on for nearly three years. The last eight months I have been working towards my Bachelors in IT--the classes are five weeks long with nine weeks worth of learning crammed into them. They are very intense and every class we HAVE to be on a team which is maddening enough...The work isn't that awful but when you have four or five people all working on the same thing, things get very muddled.

I decided about three weeks ago that I have to take a break..a mental break. I work on school work from roughly eight in the morning until about nine at night give or take a couple hours here or there. I struggle academically...always did so comprehending things I read takes me a little more time and then articulating them in writing ... well, I'm a perfectionist..I have to know what I'm talking about so research has been consuming many of my days. But I love every second of it. I spent all the years after high school being a full time mom, running a daycare day and night, and promised myself that once our kids were older, I was going to go after what I always wanted...school, a career, yeah.

So, for today I'm going to just relax and settle with the idea that I don't have to have a laptop glued to my lap...of course that isn't currently happening as I'm sitting here typing this. I have up to six months to recuperate although I was having a tough time decided if I wanted two months off or closer to four. My adviser told me to put in for all six months and come back when I am ready. During this time off I plan to get a job to acclimate to that, take care of some much needed housework, and just try to remember who I am without school...it's been a great ride so far and even though I am burnt out, mentally drained, and still teary eyed, I cannot wait to hit the books again with a fresh outlook. The last leg of this journey will be a great one...to the day I am holding that Bachelors diploma in my hand and hearing the cheering squad that is my most biggest motivation...P and our kids!!!

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