It's two years today since my father died. Time sure does fly these days. While it's much easier today than it was last year, I've had many moments in the last few weeks of flashing images, of anger, of sadness, of utter frustration. It doesn't help that this hasn't exactly been the least taxing month with other things surfacing adding to all this.
But what are we gonna do...life happens, tears fall, laughter existed and it will continue to do so. I miss my father, more some days than others. Our daughters are struggling again, it's rough on them. They loved their grandpa so much. And there isn't anything I can do for that pain except be there...
I've just grown to not like this month very much. My mood is up and down, my emotions are a mess and I don't even get that half the time. The subconscious is an evil thing that creates all this even though I try very hard to pretend that it's just another month. Doesn't work so well...just ask Pat. Poor guy, he doesn't know what to expect from my mood on any given day in April. While I would love to move on and make my father a pleasant memory, I guess the pain is a little deeper than I had thought...duh LeAnn, I know. My chest is heavy with the gaping hole in my heart...one would think it would be lighter..go figure. :)
Anyway....Anniversary day is going to turn into days as we grow older, we are all going to lose those we love. It makes me nauseous just thinking about what lies ahead...
Going to spend the day with GD#2 laying down some landscaping trim around my rose gardens....and hey, my roses survived the winter! Now that's something. Hope to have a good day after what I know will be a good hard cry before her arrival....have a good day everyone..
Love you Dad! Miss you so very much but your sparkle and laughter still linger in my daily life.
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