Whew, I have only 5 more days left of being a licensed daycare provider. Honestly, at this point in time, I don't think that I'll miss it all that much. Most would think that it's a great time being at home all day, setting my own hours, taking time off when I need to or simply feel like it and on that end of the spectrum, it truly is great. But it all comes with a price. For me, a price of my sanity, my happiness, my inability to be out there meeting various people, and really, just an all around feeling of satisfaction with who I am or what I would like to do for myself. I guess one could say that I have grown weary of doing so much for others.
Yes, they are just children but I'm sure many have heard that the parents are worse than the kids? Well, this is definately so. In the last 13 years, I have bent my policies, have waived payments, have given more than I should have at the expense of what my heart was telling me. I have a big heart and do tend to let it get in the way when it comes to this business. I guess the best way to put it is, 'been there done that'. Rock bottom sucks! But we all manage somehow. But the clincher of all of my leniencies has been nothing in return except for higher expectations from these parents. Funny how people get an inch and run for the mile!
Don't get me wrong, I do love kids. But the every 3 hour feedings, the scheduled diaper changes, the constant clean up, the battling of the 2 and 3 year olds and their new found mouths, potty training, whether or not parents will pay, parents not calling when they won't show up, parents showing up when they feel like it, parents getting defensive or lippy when I dare to send their kid home sick, and honestly, running the business.
Perhaps if I didn't live and breathe daycare 24/7 things would have worked out differently but that isn't really the case here. Everywhere we turn in this house, there is a constant reminder that I never really leave my place of work. Toys, wipes, and all the various baby bouncers, swings, etc. filling our living room. Toys filling our laundry area. Porta cribs in all the bedrooms and the little potty in the bathroom.
We had planned to move my daycare into our basement so that we could at least have our home back but that never happened. We got a great start on things but there was really a lot of other expenses involved and things that weren't going to be as simple as it seemed in our minds. And frankly, being the caregiver/surrogate mother to other people's kids isn't really what I had planned for myself.
Yes, I'm whining now but I am just plumb worn out. Some may understand, others may not but all I know is that I have had enough. And the person that I have become is just not the one that I know that I am. I feel as though I have hit a brick wall with my abilities in the world. I want to do more that involves using my brain, working in an office, have the outside relationships that others do. Call me crazy but this is something I have wanted forever it seems.
And the time is now. My kids are old enough now, they are very responsible and I am damn proud of all of them. They are growing into very respectable human beings. Do they still need me? Hell yeah they do but with them all in school now, I feel that that part of my job is done, the one where I need to be here all the time.
Talk about a feeling a freedom? Sounds bad, I know but damn, it sure does feel good inside. I'm scared, excited and so impatient to have my home after 13 years that I just cannot tell you! It's a whole new world for me at 5:00 Friday afternoon. And it's mine and Pat's anniversary 2 days after that...will we celebrate??? OOOOOOH yeah and I just am counting down the minutes.
Thanks for listening, just needed to vent a little....have a great week.
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