Last night Pat and I attended a going away party for one of our really long time good friends and her husband. They are moving to North Carolina...her husband is in the military and this is where they have stationed him now.
I have had many friends in my life, ones who I thought were best friends only to find out that for one reason or another, they were just words. I had one who liked to call me her best friend all the time but I never quite felt that way about her. Perhaps it was because it was a relationship that drained me emotionally. I seemed to always be helping her through this crisis or that crisis and when I would need a friend, well, her lack of interest and support was not exactly that. In fact I don't know how many times I have had to tell this person things more than two times on different occasions because she didn't hear me the first time. Why? We would end up discussing her all over. I am almost 100% sure that there are many out there that can relate to that.
So, this party we went to...man, did we have a great time. Pat and I and the people we were hanging out with laughed so hard that we felt like we'd been doing sit-ups all night. It was just a stellar evening and also, kind of a sad one.
I am going to be sending my friend off for what could be forever. At first she told me and I told her that she couldn't leave me! She is the one friend that Pat and I both have that has been with us since what seems like we were babies. She has watched our kids grow, has been a strong person and good for me. She is a good person and damn, I am really going to miss her.
What's strange about this friendship though is that her and I only talk once or twice a month and maybe go out and do something once or twice a year. We never really see eachother that much. But when one or the other would call, well, it was like we never missed a beat. We talk about everything from politics, to family, to marriage, to kids, and just plain nothing!
She spent much of the day here today. Both of us hung over and still laughing about the evening. We talked of our friendship. How casual yet connected it is. How there are no obligations or strings attached. And just how nice it is. And it is. But I didn't realize that until we were almost to the house where the party would be. How close her and I really are....that whole, taking for granted syndrome.
At the party last night, I watched her say good bye to a friend that she hadn't seen in years but one in which she was inseparable from. And oddly, one that I hung out with but hadn't seen in over 15 years. My friend cried, and this girl is not one to do that. In fact, she is one of the strongest people I know and to see her cry was heartbreaking for me. This whole time she has been underplaying this whole move. Real upbeat, excited, happy. I think it only just hit her last night, the finality of it.
I sat there very sad because it was at that moment it hit me too. That she was leaving and I don't know when and if I will see her again. And I guess up until last night, I didn't know what this friendship meant to myself or to her....not until after her husband pulled me aside. He told me that I couldn't leave the party. Me thinking that he meant because we were drinking told him that we weren't drinking all that much and that Pat was stopping so he could drive home in a few hours. He looked at me, grabbed my arm and said 'no, I don't think she could handle saying good-bye to you and Pat. You two are one of her favorite couples and it's going to crush her having to say good bye to you'. And then he said that he just couldn't handle seeing her so broken up.
I was a little taken aback by this and she would probably hit me for saying that but it is true. Her and I don't share feelings like that about eachother, it's kind of unspoken and just there. So my mission began, I vowed that her and I would not cry, that this wasn't good bye, it was just a small move and all will be good. And I am dying inside but I don't want to make this harder on her than it has to be because I have been there, I have cried my eyes out saying good byes to people and in the end, I was ok.
Pat and I stole her away from the party for 7 minutes because we hadn't had a moment with her all night. I wanted her to know that she was not to shed a tear even though during this conversation we both welled up a little but we also both fought them. That this would be a good thing, that she would make new friends and there is a thing called email and we also have our cell phones. You know, all the cover up that makes your pain seem a little more bearable. Pat and I stood there and made jokes and for her benefit, Pat became the butt of the jokes. And for much of the night he did this. I have never seen her laugh so hard and had such a great time with her.
I am really gonna miss her! But this only means that we now will have a great reason to travel down to NC!
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