Monday, April 27, 2009

Growing pains

Our second oldest daughter attended her senior prom this past weekend. Gawd did she look stunning. I'm so relieved that she had a MUCH better time this year than last....last year was absolutely horrid for her.

Next is her do they grow fast! Time with our two older daughters has just flown by.

It's a little depressing to post a picture of only part of our kids in this pose. For 18 years, it's been a unit of some suddenly, that unit is getting smaller right before our very eyes. One could say that I'm a little saddened by this.

It was easy for me to send them off to Kindergarten, exciting and a huge step. But at that time, I knew they would be home in a few short hours telling me their cute little stories about how they drew this picture or that picture. And dealing with their little friend problems that were so easy to conquer.

Now as our older one plans her wedding and our second is making her college plans, I find myself at a loss....a loss in my heart. I've never clung to my kids, I've always wanted them to spread their wings and experience life and I still do. But a certain wrench on my heart is suddenly rearing it's ugly head and making me a bit teary-eyed tonight. We talk to our oldest nearly everyday through text messages or on facebook, but it's not the same.

Our second oldest grew homesick this weekend being gone all weekend with prom and then dress shopping with our oldest for the wedding. And I missed her like crazy and was dying to know how her prom night was...I never did find out until today after work.

There's a big difference between now and kindergarten. Watching these children grow up and helping them through all their struggles every single day for 18+ years of their life, being the ones that they look to for answers or advice. Never in a million years would those who know how nonchalant I've been all these years believe this post. In fact I'm sure they will even leave me a comment giving me a bit of grief if they come and read this. I've never been sentimental about my kids growing and am not really sure where it's coming from.

Perhaps it's the realization that it's very possible that next year I will only be taking photos of our two younger ones in such poses, or that our youngest daughter will be starting the end of her young school days in her first year of high school next year and no older sibling to watch over her. Our son will enter middle school in two years...all by himself with no big sisters to protect him. The thought terrifies me! Why? I just don't know.

Our two older girls are tough and very capable of mouthing off at any given time to anyone who messes with them or their siblings, our younger two are sensitive and because they're the younger two, have always had someone looking over their shoulder even though they hate every minute of it.

Call me a whiner, I don't care. Just feeling a tinge of pain tonight as I look at the pictures from our daughter's prom.

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