Monday, September 29, 2008

Even words can't explain

I figured I would put up a post since 1) it's been so long; 2) I feel like it; and 3) I have a few minutes.


Life has been back to busy again. Back in school, started a new job at the beginning of the month and I THOUGHT things would slow down once soccer was over but man was I wrong! We are booked solid through the entire month of October...ho hum....feeling tired, worn out, overwhelmed, numb, and mostly like I'm suffocating in 'busy'!

This weekend will be such a nice weekend though. Pat and I will be celebrating our 20 year anniversary on October 1st and we've decided to take a few days to get away and pretend that life is stress free. Neither of us can wait and are holding our breath until Thursday...well, not literally but trying not to think about it so much so the week doesn't crawl by!

20 years! Holy Guacamole! Where does the time go? Some days I look around at the many photos of our kids hanging here and sitting there and just about cry. We're not getting younger and time seems to go at lightening speed it seems.

I can honestly say that I don't have a single regret and feel happier now than I think I may have 20 years ago. Maybe 'settled' is a better word?

Marriage is tough...a lot of work. A lot of compromise, a lot of adjustments, a lot of bickering and arguing over stupid things that eventually mold us into one person in a sense. Pat knows me like the back of his hand, can often times read my mind and finish a sentence for me. I know the same about him, what will set him off, what will make him chuckle or give me that rare belly laugh.

We've learned, over all these years, to stand together, to walk hand in hand and I can happily say that we still hold hands, or wrap our arm around each other; we still laugh at one another, we still love each other deeply and not a day goes by that we don't share that sentiment. Something I only dreamed of as a have a marriage that would make me feel whole. A person who would look in my eyes and know by just a glance what mood I'm in, a person that would hold me close and comfort me when the emotions are just too much, a person who simply holds me just because.

Marriage is really bliss in this household. Scoff at that statement, roll your eyes, say 'Oh My God' but you know? I can say that to any person who might ask me without any hesitation.

Having someone here to whine to, someone here who pleads with me to be a goof, someone who aches to just give me a call in the middle of the day to say he loves me...and it's not a take-take situation around's more of a give-take, take-give. It's strange to think sometimes about how we can hardly be apart. How I will call him every hour if I get a moment or at every break I get in a day. He waits and if I don't call him...he calls me wondering what's going on and wondering why I didn't call. It's quite pathetic really but it is what it is for us.

I know this is mushy, I know its boring to some but not to me. Love is a wonderful thing even though it can be a bitter sweet thing at times. It's those bitter sweet moments that mold us, that teach us and that are the glue to a puzzle that will never be complete...even in death.

For you Patrick, I am forever grateful to have found a rare love that makes those difficult times seem less so. I know it's not much but from the very depths of my heart--thank you.

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