Thursday, December 27, 2007

A thank you of sorts

I've been looking through some old posts at my other, it's been a long time since I've posted there so I put up a brief one.

I've been reading old emails as well. Since I've been back in school I haven't had any time to post or read through emails, send emails, talk to my friends, etc. But now, I have a little time on my hands and must cram in as much as I can.

Reflecting on life has been a big thing lately. Mistakes, accomplishments, aches and pains, feuds with family and friends and kids, marriage, our kids...

In the end, all the things that have been learned have been wonderful. Pat and I have been dealing with quite a bit of stress over the last few months. Things that have been truly testing our relationship, our judgment, our strength's and weakness', and our emotions. Even though we are knee deep in s@*# right now, we are still hanging on. We manage a smile, a hug, and an I love you and both of us can feel the desperation with just a glance, and both can see in the others face that desire for something to give, just once.

It's really amazing how much the human spirit can take, how many low blows, how many insults, how many tests are given to a person. No matter how much it is, I find it really special and comforting that my husband is there with me, that our kids are there with us, and those very few family members and that those friends we have known for many years are there for us, with us, no matter how many miles away they may be...

I received a phone call from my brother all the way from Kosovo on Christmas morning. I don't know if he will ever know how much that phone call meant to me, how that phone call made my day and how that single phone call was one of the best Christmas presents I could have ever gotten. Even though the sadness in his voice was more then I could take, that selfish side of me was eating up the moments we shared on the phone. I haven't actually spoken with him for quite a long time it seems; we've emailed here and there but as my time has been eaten up with school and work and tiredness and stress, I've been a horrible little sister and had very little contact with him.

Each and every time I think of him or my sis and their kids, my eyes well up with tears for many reasons. Too many to write about. Tears for them, selfish tears for myself, tears for all the soldiers, tears because it sometimes just feels really good to sting in the eyes every once in awhile these days.

How is it that humans can endure so many different emotions on so many different levels all at one time? Why is there a saying that we are only given as much as we can handle? Why is it that all that we can handle seems like too much?

Emotional strength is a wonderful thing...without my husband's love and hugs, without my children telling me they love me, without my folks telling me they love me or my sister or brother's Christmas wishes, without my friends emailing me to see how I'm doing or calling me on Christmas night to ask how things are going...I wouldn't have much emotional strength.

When things are rough the need to be loved and just plain thought of mean more to a person then a thank you or a what can I do for you? Just to be is the best that any one person can give to another. Anything more and it seems that things get too complicated.

This post is for those who love us, for those who know us so well, and for those who have been in our lives for 21 + years....

Thank you to my brother. Thank you to my sister 'outlaw' **snicker**. Thank you to my friend in N. Carolina and my friend whom I've reconnected with, and to my Nephew and his fiance in Florida. No expectations from any of them, no requirements of what should and shouldn't be in the relationship or the friendship... Thank you for loving us, for knowing who we are and what we need, and thank you for just a being you. You all made the holiday just that much more special for us.

This might sound quite depressing and it may even make some wonder if we are assured, we are ok, we are strong, but most of all, we are just grateful to have such special people in our lives. Sometimes I just get a little's holiday time, give me a break would ya? :())~

No comments: