Tug-of-war

At first glance, I read the title of this article and got angry.

Va. Parents Trying to Unadopt Troubled Boy

My first thought was that the parents just didn't want to deal with the kids' problems and wanted to throw him to the side of the road. But as I read, it got a little more complicated than all that.

Over the years I have considered doing foster care because there are so many kids out there who need a home, stability, and love. But each time I would come to the conclusion that I just couldn't do it. Deal with all the issues that these poor kids have been through, love them only to have them leave, nor could I put my own kids or family through that.

What angered me most about this article is the possible deceit involved by the social services and or this woman just to place this poor kid in a home. In fact, this paragraph was what really what began to set me off:

"But sometimes, because of the high turnover of case workers, information gets lost, assumptions get made, mistakes happen -- especially if the child is older. Especially if they've bounced around foster care for years. And especially, Schagrin said, if their sad and broken histories might scare away potential foster or adoptive families."

Then I read this next line:

"That pressure has intensified since 1997 because of a federal law that rewards states as much as $6,000 for every foster child adopted."

Pressure, rewards? For the emotions of a human being? What are these children, cattle? When will it be that that 'reward' is altered because one kid is worse than another? Then I saw this and decided that I needed to post and complain:

"I have seen caseworkers. They think, 'Oh, the family won't adopt the child if they know everything," Schagrin said.

This coming straight from a social workers mouth! Admitting, so much as saying they sugar- coat things just to rid themselves of these poor kids. No matter that a case like this might occur.

Maybe their intentions are good to a point but this woman made an honest effort. It has got to be hard doing what she does, being a foster parent. But I give no kudos to her just yet at this point. This story is really quite a tug-of-war for me. This poor boy, he needs help, where will this mess leave him? He is really a messed up little guy. One burning question is why is this boy doing what he did? Is he just this sick or are there other reasons.

We are talking about human emotions. A child who has been tossed around for years and years because nobody wanted him. And now he has finally found stability only to be tossed aside some more. And these parents have put a lot of love and effort into this boy, 6 years.

It appears that there is a lot of blame going on in this instance, yes, I am doing it as well. But in reality, who is really thinking of the child and what he needs? Someone in this is lying through their teeth.

I can't sway one way or another with this one. What I can say is yes, this boy is sick and needs help. I don't feel it's right that the adoptive parents should just cast him aside because he's damaged, they accepted him as their child, would I throw mine to the wind? No friggin' way!!!!! That to me just isn't love.

I feel that if you jump in with both feet then you damn well better be prepared to swim. Even I know that foster children come with baggage, something that made my decision not to do it because I know my strengths and weakness and the extent of them. But if the system 'neglected' to reveal certain aspects of this child's problems to the adoptive parents, then they too have not only decieved these parents but the child as well as a community that believes they work for the children. I stated in an earlier post that I was grateful to a system that would protect the kids but I must clarify...there is a VERY fine line that the word 'grateful' rests upon. I don't trust them nor do I always believe in them.

Lies and deciet at the expense of another is one thing that angers me beyond anger! And in the case of a child, well, you all know how I feel about that!