Next Friday, we'll be having a Halloween party. About 3, maybe 4 years ago we had one and it was a complete success.
We haunted the woods, I had bob for apples, and, ohhhh, about 60-70 teenagers running around. It was stressful but at the same time so much fun. Of course there were only supposed to be 20-30 kids here but as these parties go.....
So, next Friday, we're planning much of the same with the hopes that parents will actually attend and help out a little. We can only hope though. The last one I was stuck watching all these kids, keeping food out, and keeping my sanity. A lot of the kids showed up almost an hour before the start time so I didn't have time to get my own costume on. But overall, it was a hit.
Of course doing these parties does require a lot of labor from Pat. Getting the trail cleaned up in the woods, hanging lights, setting things up just so, and what's probably the worst for him, donning a costume and living in the woods for a couple of hours.
He is a joker, but he hates it when I have parties! Even when I do all the prep work, he just hates it! Funny though, he seems to enjoy himself quite a bit... hmmmm.
We were talking yesterday about this weekend and I asked if he would help me in the woods, etc. Of course the topic of how he hates parties came up....I looked at him and said, "Do you know why I do these things? Because one day the kids and us will look back on these things and remember them fondly."
I am one who believes that creating memories is very important for my kids, my marriage, my family. Maybe it's because, yes I have some memories of my childhood that I cherish and they make me feel all warm inside. But for the most part, my memories of my childhood are some that like many, I would just like to bury. Some I wish never even existed.
I know, I cannot make all the memories my kids have good ones but I want to make sure they have as many good ones as possible and ones that involve their family. Memories are important, they create the person. And if I could take that handful of good memories I have and turn it into a mountain, I would.
Pat used to get so frustrated with me because I never talked about good times in my childhood. This of course was years and years ago when it was just easier to dwell on the bad and blame it for this or that. So over the years, I have dug and dug and found the happy place, found the place that was buried beneath all the crap and have slowly pulled it out. But, what's really sad is those good memories are all so repetative, the same one's over and over I play in my head. And I love to think about them, love to relive them, and love to cherish them.
I think that I have just viewed what little there was and realized that I want to do better with my own kids and husband. Growing up around negativity, hate, gossip, backstabbing, pity parties and whatever else has certainly taught me a lot. That it was unhappy, that as I kid I craved happy, I craved fun, and mostly, I craved a family. Whether or not it will create a close knit family is yet to be seen but I will say this, my expectations are not high. If it happens it does, and if it doesn't, it will hurt but people are all individuals with different personalities. I cannot force my kids to like eachother but always know they will love. That's just a given.
Now that I have my family, it's my turn to do the best that I can. I don't spoil my kids, they have suffered a lot over the years right along with Pat and I, and through all of it, they have remained thankful, happy, understanding kids. I have found ways in life to reward them, to let them know they are appreciated and loved and it hasn't always been with material objects. In fact, that is a rare occurance in this house. But they know. And on that rare occasion when I surprise them with a gift, the reward I get is out of this world.
How did I get to this point with this post? I don't know. I just know that I told Pat yesterday as part of our conversation that if I died tomorrow, or he did or God forbid something happened to one of our kids, these memories will stand out, they will matter. I think I finally found the way to get him to understand...only took me 21 years by hey, at least I made that impact finally.
So now I must go do more baking, sew a costume and prepare for what I hope is another successful party!
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