La Vie

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

For those of you out there that left such kind and thoughtful comments on a few of my last posts, I would like to give you all a great big cyber hug and a huge thank you.

A few updates on a couple of my posts. The entry about how morbid our life is due to the sale of our house falling through not once but twice, well, I have some good news on that avenue. Pat has a second interview with the newspaper tomorrow as well as another prospective job installing satellite dishes around our area. **wheeeeew**.

Since that post, it was as if I wrote a letter to the big man or something when I posted that but I have gained not one but FOUR new daycare children. We also have a potential buyer for the truck. With all of this going our way, well both Pat and I are a little shell-shocked and also a little bit antsy as we still don't know the outcome of tomorrow. No, our house still has not sold but all is good?

With the sale of the truck, we will be able to replace our dumb pool that sprung a leak during the first heat wave as well as play catch up. However, and there is ALWAYS a however on the horizon for us and our very bi-polar lives, none of this means that we are over joyed just yet.

Oh, I forgot to mention, for the sake of Pat's endless nagging, shall we call it, that if the truck is bought by this particular buyer that this very generous man will throw in a 1984 Suzuki 650cc motorcycle...what a dear. Just more for me to fret about. Pat also wanted me to remind everyone that we had to sell his previous motorcycle in the garage sale. So now that I have appeased him, I will continue on.

Now, I must also add that I feel like I am one big walking broken mirror. I try hard not to be superstisious but in all honesty, I simply am. I have broken numerous mirrors over the last 10 years, the last one just fell right in front of my feet. I believe that everything I touch is doomed, except for my marriage and my kids.

Over the last month, I have broken the hood opener in our truck, I just broke the blinker lever in our van two nights ago, and about 2 months ago, I went to fix the seat in the truck so that it wouldn't sit straight up and down and broke that as well. I must have really looked like a dork driving like I had a board against my back but I just had to go get some food!

I must also mention that in our 2 vans that we have had in the last 6 years, the door handle on both passenger doors busted, and the window on the passenger side of current van just won't go back up. It is cracked just enough for me to ash my cigarettes and just enough to cause snow drifts in the winter during a nice healthy snow storm. In a heavy rainfall, my kids get pelted with rain in the back and I have to carry a towel in the van to stuff in the window. Writing all of this just makes me chuckle, as it is just our life.

About 5 years ago, I had asked Pat if he had ever, in all of his road adventures, hit a bird. "Nope." was his reply with a proud aura encircling his already too large head...heehee. Within the week after that, he came home 3 out of 5 days and guess what, he hit 3 birds. He told me I was bad luck...hard to feel much different when something like that happens. Oh, he hit a little red squirrel and it happened with me in the van. He pointed out very overtly that of course my side was the side that hit this poor little thing...and he was right. Both passenger side wheels rolled over it and my stomach churned quickly with each little thump. Ka-tunk.

Back in 1995 we purchased a new car. A run of the mill white Ford Tempo to help save on gas for our endless drives to work in the Cities. Within the first two weeks of owning this car, which was in my name, Pat hit a deer. It knocked the drivers side mirror off as well as caused roughly $2500 damage. I was very pissed to say the least since it was actually the newest car we had ever owned. Pat would like me to mention that I also hit a deer with our first van...and killed it. I cried, and apologized to this deer laying in the ditch. No visible damage was done to the van but upon attempting to open the hood, we discovered that the whole front end had been pushed back. I don't even know what the cost of the damage was as I was too distraught over that dead deer.

On a more horrible note, I also witnessed a 14-year old boy get hit by a car and was by his side as he died. This incident, well, it happened just 3 years ago and it still haunts my dreams. Along with that came the downward spiral of my relationship with my family. And that has yet to be rectified nor do I foresee it in my future.

But back to the humor. In reading all of this, I realize just how resilient the human spirit is. How important a sense of humor is in those dark moments. How taking things toooooo seriously can really mess with ones mind.

If I talk about my life and the hardships, it is in a good sense, things could be so much worse. I know that for this moment, things seem ok, but also know that at any moment, that could and probably will change simply because that is the cycle that Pat and I have been used to since the day we got married.

Sometimes I feel as though I don't think I can take much more, in fact, this past weekend, I actually drank two nights in a row which is unheard of for me. This is a very bad thing for me as alcoholism runs in my family and drinking is one of my least favorite things to do. For me to want to drink simply to hide behind it if only for a couple of days, things must be pretty bad. Stress overload is what I call it.

The most fantastic part of all that we have endured though is that Pat and I can laugh about it, joke about it, and make it in the end. That we can trudge on each and every day although our mental state is telling us just to give up, throw in the towel and let whatever happens, happen, and we continue on anyway. That I can drive down the road and chuckle everytime I go to shut my window and it won't close or try to turn on the blinker and it's just this little stub that I have to find, well, it just makes life so damn interesting.

The greatest part of it all though is that Pat has to be a gentleman and open my door for me each and every single time him and I go somewhere. He has to reach across, tug on that handle and open my door. That is just the sweetest part for me. And inside while he's doing that, I tell myself that in the end, at least I have found a way for my bad luck to give me a Godsend for a husband.

Touche my dear Patrick.......... :)

UPDATE: "My Son" entry. We have hatched two monarch butterflies. There are currently 32 Chrysallis' waiting to open up and give us more and still there are about 20-30 caterpillars crawling around the bottom of the cage. My son continues to sneak in still more stray caterpillars on the milkweed with a little smirk on his face so I would have to guess that he has anywhere between 60-80 total caterpillars. That kid just amazes me.

Written by louie0768 .