Pat and I went to a visitation yesterday for a Marine that was killed in the line of duty in Iraq. His name was Corporal Jonathon Benson. He was 21-years old. Here are a couple of links on the details from Pat's newspaper:
http://ecmpostreview.com/2006/September/13hotohedi.html
http://ecmpostreview.com/2006/September/15bensonflag.html
Most of my readers know that our oldest daughter is determined to enlist in the Army/National Guards come next year already. She had mentioned just out of the blue a few months ago that this would be her last summer with us as she plans on going to basic next summer to get an early start.
Many have asked me how I could let my daughter go, how I can be so calm about this. Truth be told, I try not to think about it. I take life one day at a time. I see how determined this child is to join and because it makes her happy, and she isn't doing it for education or money, I believe in her and I support her. Daughter or not, everyone should be able to do something they want, that they believe is their calling. I support following what you want in life.
This girl wants to be in combat situations, she wants to fight, and the scariest is is she knows that she will more than likely be called to go to war shortly after high school in two years if in fact this war is still going on. And how is she with that? Calm, cool and collected. 100% sure of her decision.
She knows that she cannot be a ground fighter as the military won't allow that. However Pat believes that she would push that issue and make is so. She's a very persistant girl.
My brother is a Sgt. Major in the National Guard. He has been mentoring her, has brought her to a training or two that he attends and has assured me that she is tough enough, that she is military material. I have no doubts about her. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing but I don't doubt what my brother has told me about my girl.
She wants to attend a training where she learns how to shoot weapons, M-16's to be exact. I have never seen so much excitement in her eyes as I do when she talks about the military. Hell, she would come home from school every week with different things she earned doing push-ups for the recruiters, not to mention folders and packets, email address', business cards...she is borderline obsessed.
Now, attending this visitation yesterday was tough. Being that this kid was so young, I had a hard time with things. I told Pat on the way out to our truck that I don't want her to go anymore, that I don't want to be attending her visitation. And that she has that same MO that this boy has. Lights up a room, bubbly, happy, makes light of situations that would otherwise be touchy, can make friends with any person that walks in her path and knows everyone.
Call this all morbid and worrying simply just too much but ok, it's hit me, it's dawned on me the magnitude of what is and what could be. All this time I have just been pretending that all is good, that this is a phase with her, that it's not real. We have a meeting with a recruiter in two days. I guess I've been trying to fool myself into thinking that she will never be old enough.
Perhaps attending this visitation wasn't such a smart thing but at the same time, my heart swelled with pride over Jonathon, my eyes welled with tears for his sacrifice. Seeing him lying there, though, in that uniform, knowing that he would not have done anything differently, that he is but one man of thousands out there protecting me, you, this country.
The sadness that surrounded yesterday...pride, anger, bitterness, frustration....knowing that my daughter wants to do something so courageous and brave when I'm such a ninny...I want to keep her here, safe at home with us, not in the scope of danger. But honestly, she could die in a car accident, she could get hit by a car, she could encounter a magnitude of deadly scenarios...if she has no fear, why then should I.
Well, that answer is obvious. She is a child, she is a kid, however she also knows what will be. She fights with students and teachers about this war. She goes to school armed with articles, quotes from various politicians, she believes, she remembers 9/11, she was here at home when that happened being homeschooled. She saw it unfold practically from minute one. We are surrounded by friends in the military, my brother is in the military. Her interest began on September 11, 2001.
It is her passion, it is what she wants to do. If only I could go back to believing all those fairy tale thoughts that it's a phase, or that she'll never be old enough. It was so much simpler then. If only...
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