I've been sitting on this post for a couple of days mainly because I've been gathering many links of various topics in which to tie it together.
Let's begin with this: Putting Parents In Their Place: Outside Class
"They are needy, overanxious and sometimes plain pesky -- and schools at every level are trying to find ways to deal with them.
No, not students. Parents -- specifically parents of today's "millennial generation" who, many educators are discovering, can't let their kids go.
They text message their children in middle school, use the cellphone like an umbilical cord to Harvard Yard and have no compunction about marching into kindergarten class and screaming at a teacher about a grade."
I know a person that fits this description. In fact, I am related to her and she just happens to be the sister that I have chosen to never speak to again because of that 'holier-than-thou-my-shit-don't-stink-and-don't-you-dare-mess-with-my-kids
because-they-can-do-no-wrong' attitude.
The fact that the schools are trying to come up with programs to help parents separate from their kids? Wow, that is something! Sure, I cried when my kids went off to kindergarten but they waved to me with big grins and that's all she wrote, they were off to becoming self sufficient, how could I argue with that.
I have gone to daycare classes that focus on separation anxiety and helping children cope but this, well, I suppose it was just a matter of time when the kids seemed to be more adult than the parents and it was actually pointed out.
"Academics say many baby boomer parents have become hyperinvolved in their children's lives for numerous reasons. There is the desire to protect youngsters from a tougher and more competitive culture. And there is the symbolic value of children."
Symbolic? Hmm, that is a very interesting analogy of the worth of a human being, a child. Which leads me to these next few articles:
"The obligation of unwanted fatherhood"
"Father seeks right to cut ties with child he didn't want"
"Deleting Dad"
"Societal Shift in Role of Fathers
Hypothetically speaking, what are the chances that the majority of the parents these schools are aiming towards are female? Of course there is no gender statistic listed so I have nothing to base this on except my own thoughts. But really, women are a reactive group of species and we do tend to over think, over react, and over exert our power when we feel it's warranted. I'm guilty. The lioness in me has been prone to want to blow a gasket a few times over someone wronging my child but if not for Pat and his point of view, I may be like one of those 'hovercraft' parents, as they are so aptly named in the article. Of course there are men out there that would fall into this category.
There are a lot of single parents in this world these days. In fact, it has become socially acceptable to adopt, to be artificially inseminated and to be a single mom now. I say single mom because it seems that the majority of single parents are moms. I could be wrong on that, perhaps I should've researched that.
These above articles I linked I find to be of some interest though. Dad's are starting to lash out, they are starting to feel the grind finally and standing up. To that I say, HOOORAA! I think that element of strict upbringing has been lacking in this society, that children are missing out on a solid upbringing. How does this tie into the school thing?
I mentioned above that if not for Pat, I would be in the category of 'hovercraft mom'. I would take on the mentality of that of my sister and that instinct to protect my kids from anything that may harm them, their self-esteem, their happiness would kick in. I would classify that as, 'the woman in me'. Men to me seem in most cases more rational in situations, more able to read a situation and take it at face value. Deleting Dads from the equation deletes that ability of a child to problem solve, to deal with a situation calmly, and to think before reacting. To take responsibility. Moms do play a roll in all of this as well but it's not the same. We protect and hover, most dads I know protect and hover but do so in such a way that their kids learn to deal, learn to become individuals.
I do know that not all single moms are as I describe and dads are not always as rosy as I portray. I have an example of a mom that I do daycare for. Her little guy is a biter. I had to give her a warning the other day that if he did this again, that he would no longer be allowed to come into my daycare. She chuckled and proceeded to tell the little guy that he was a tough boy while the other mom who's child went home with a bite on his face, was concerned and very unhappy. Now, if the tables were turned, the laughing mom would blow an absolute gasket if her son left here with the teeth marks of another child on his skin. No discipline, just a pat on the back to a little guy that has no idea that what he is doing is wrong. And this mom advocates this and also speaks horribly about their father. Her daughter will come here and tell me that her daddy is crazy. When their father was in their life, these kids were very happy well behaved kids. All that has changed now. It is really sad to watch the downward spiral of a broken family and I see that all too often in this job.
But that reaction of a mom to protect is almost overwhelming at times. I have written many entries about children. Many angry ones. Now back to this whole program to help parents separate from their kids. Umm, I guess I would like to know how we as parents should feel that our kids are safe when things such as this are occuring when us parents are not around to 'hover':
New York child welfare worker pleads not guilty to incest
or
Florida dismisses Lafave's charges
A welfare worker and incest?
"An employee of the city's much maligned child welfare agency has been charged in an indictment with having sex with a fourth underage girl, a friend of one of the two daughters he admitted raping, a prosecutor said in court Tuesday."
"181 counts that include incest, rape, sodomy and related crimes."
"The ACS employee, who was a $57,000-a-year supervisor and has been suspended, was arrested in the midst of a public outcry over recent deaths of children in homes monitored by the child welfare agency. He had worked for ACS for 10 years."
Those who are out there supposedly helping families and kids are taking advantage of their power. And yes, this is only one man but all the same, in a field of work such as this is really a slap in the face! His own children? What a sick man, perhaps he has bipolar disorder like Lafave!!!!
"I have a lot of things in my past that have unfortunately become public," Lafave said.
Oh, Lafave, how on earth could I leave that one alone. A SCHOOL TEACHER! Poor baby, she has had her past drudged up. Bipolar disorder? Pity her misfortune. But what about the boy who has had anxiety over this whole ordeal? Some will say that he is a boy, he didn't mind. Screw you I say, my son is a boy and any adult woman lays a hand on him they will be messing with me! I don't care about 'consentual' anything. If people want to say that this boy wasn't violated perhaps they should get the law changed as to the age that constitutes an adult!
Not all teachers are bad, not all welfare workers molest children, that is just a given. But lurking out there are people such as this that create that separation anxiety that many parents fear! And really, Pat made a good point earlier that parents should be more involved in their kids' lives. Keep those lines of communication open. But to what extent?
Him and I are involved but know where to draw that line as well. My kids have cell phones but we don't use them during school hours. We don't call the school every week or email their teachers or rage into a classroom to throw our weight around. We don't solve our kids' problems, we make suggestions and let them take it from there. In fact, we find ourselves getting more frustrated than not with the school because we are not in-your-face parents. But when we email a teacher about poor grades or missing assignments we are met with a defensive teacher or counselor who puts up that guard immediately expecting us to scream at them for wronging our kid. However, after finally convincing them that we are simply trying to get to the bottom of the problem and not blaming them for our child's screw up, they take down that shield and help us to get to the bottom of things.
Why is this? Well, I talked to a teacher just last week who works with me. Him and I had a very nice conversation and he revealed that teachers fear that rabid parent and expect that all parents are like that these days. That in more cases than not, parents do come in and scream, blame the school for picking on their one child out of 500 students, and blame the teachers for their kids getting into fights in the hallway. Can I blame them for watching their backs? No way, it's like the kids who ruin it for all the rest only we are talking about supposed adults.
One more thing, a few weeks ago, our 5th grader came home and told me about a girl who had brought a pocket knife to school. I asked if she had told the teacher or the principal and she said she hadn't because she never actually saw it, just heard. So I told her that if this girl had it the next day that she should call me immediately and I would call the school right away. In the end, yes, this girl had a knife and got sent home from school. And do you know what her mom told her? That my daughter was not her friend, that she shouldn't hang around with her anymore because she ratted her out. My kid would have gotten, "She did you a damn favor and you should thank your lucky stars that someone else didn't get ahold of that knife and hurt someone. You're grounded!"
Is the fact that fathers have been shunned for all this time playing a roll in the way in which society has become? Rude children? Lazy adults? Self righteous big mouths who scream when they don't get their way? Needy single moms who desire the world handed to them on a silver platter and who feel they deserve some sort of medal because they carelessly find themselves pregnant and selfishly want to have them only to be shunned by the fathers and left with a responsibility that they didn't really want in the first place? Ungrateful people? Fathers who want to hop in the sack simply for the pleasure only to find that they have created a 'symbol' of that act of selfishness? Dead beat dads who talk the talk but run and hide when it's crunch time? And don't tell me it's Bush's fault! That would just really piss me off!
You decide!
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