Whew, a new day

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Ok, it is a new day. I have gone over everything that I have written and regret none of it. I guess no matter how nasty a person can be it surprises me even more when they pull something else out of their hat.

For all (Bon & Mal) who have stopped by to read, thank you for your kind words and support. I had a pretty messed up day yesterday with everything and a lot of different moods surfaced. As Republican Jen has said...Tape Loop. Around and around it goes with no eject button.
So, my reaction to this ordeal may seem to some over board and to you I will just say, LOL. It's ok really. I know that I created this mess however, I didn't splatter the black paint all over so to speak. Pat had dead-line day yesterday so I couldn't talk to him about this and on my own with all of it, well, he knows how I get. When I finally did get to talk to him at around 3:30 it was a huge weight lifted off my chest. I guess that maybe it's because him and I went through this together and he knows me and how to calm me when I wig out about it.

I had a couple of our very close family friends stop by my story about this whole ordeal and they left me comments. Two that have been a part of our family for longer than Pat and I have been married. They were there to witness this whole ordeal and are still very much considered family in this house. You should read their comments. This ordeal not only messed up our life but everyone who was there to witness the way we were treated. It is a subject that we don't often bring up among family and friends as I don't know that any of us have ever really settled or understood what went on.

Also, a couple of the people I write with at the Red Voice were very very good listeners and helped me out a lot too. They proved to me that they will stand behind their fellow 'team members' so to speak. They let me spew my anger all over their emails yesterday and neither one of them called me a whiner or a dummy for posting such stupid stuff....although I called myself that plenty. So, thank you Red Voice members Jenn and Armand. You two were great!

So, now what? We will have to see where things go. I have deleted about 4 posts that I attempted to put up today simply out of wariness. J-Land seems like a very large group of people who just simply enjoy getting along, debating, or just being friends. Although my circle is very small I enjoy sharing pieces of my life with the people who dare to come and have to read such looong posts. And because that circle is but a few people who actually leave me comments I developed a trust. Silly me. I had suspected a while ago that this man was using information at my site to fling insults at Patrick and myself and attempted to block him. But, somehow, he managed to still continue to troll my journal and pull out things that he knew would hurt us and never left a comment. Or has he.

That is my conundrum now. Who do I trust? Who is really who they say they are? I know my sister and our friends Tom and Boz, Pat, and just from emails a few others out there who have been pretty solid in their actions and in their words. Do I make my journal private and somehow someway this guy weasels his way into my good graces under yet another screen name and I allow him in, do I stop journaling all together or do I continue to journal, write about issues in the world and pretend that I have nothing else to talk about. Or, do I simply go on with life like this never happened and continue to write about things that I really like to share and take that risk.

Do I feed this troll or do I starve him....Put like that I may opt for the starve the troll decision. So many decisions but so few answers.

I visit journals ALL the time that write about their kids, their woes, their lives, their pasts...do they ever have a problem like this? I don't know but I do know that I am really going to have to think about this one.

Written by louie0768 .