tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-190077752024-03-06T22:54:29.928-06:00BefuddledWho I am in a nutshell:
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."
**Ralph Waldo Emerson**Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.comBlogger1000125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-90347419484666671622013-05-22T22:46:00.002-05:002013-05-22T22:46:58.462-05:00And it continues...Well....whoever said things happen in threes hasn't met my family. Perhaps it's three per person in this house but no matter......enough already is screaming in all our heads. We are walking around slumped and beaten emotionally and mentally...<br />
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After that last post I actually fell through a rotten piece of wood on our deck and messed up my knee...I laid there fighting the tears of embarrassment, frustration, and pain praying to someone that this would be the last thing to happen to us...Well, the Wednesday after that I learned my sister was in a motorcycle accident in Texas, our son pulled his hamstring in the first game of the season, he played again over the weekend and reinjured it but not as bad....then last night learned that a woman (K) who is a very big part of our lives has taken a turn for the worst and has very little time left with us.<br />
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Today at work was a really effed up day. A teacher there has been battling cancer--thankfully I didn't know her but today I learned just how very much she was loved by staff and students.....We learned she passed away around 1:30--school was still going on. The hallways before word was officially announced were blanketed in this invisible fog you could feel descending and sprinkled with sobbing students and teachers. I stood there struggling to figure out what I could do while fighting back our own personal hell here......as time went on and the announcement was made I watched numb and nearly catatonic as people all over the hallways were sobbing. Needless to say it was an awful way to end the work day for P and I given the crap we've been dealing with....probably worst of all was our plan was to get out of work and go visit K for one of the last times<br />
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My sister and her husband are ok. He suffered a separated shoulder, some very sore ribs on the right side, and over all aches and pains in the aftermath. He was released the day after the accident. My sister on the other hand suffered a non-bleeding laceration to the liver, bruised kidneys, a bruised adrenal gland, and a concussion. She was knocked out and doesn't remember much but my brother-in-law did a hell of a job taking good care of my sister in that situation. I could not be more grateful for that. However, the bike didn't fair as well....totaled. <br />
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My knee is healing well but still tender where it's bruised up. Been seeing a chiropractor who's been working on it to help it heal.<br />
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On to K....well that is not good. She is in rough shape and it all happened very suddenly--well, we were prepared for a few more months with her.....we all believed she had at least nine months to enjoy the rest of her life but as cruel as life can be it has not been granted. Time is short and words are left unsaid....hopefully when we go to see her again on Friday she will be in decent enough shape to say some things to her.....gawd...it just is too much. <br />
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Anyway....time for me to go to bed. Have to get some sleep to muster the energy to walk back into that school tomorrow morning and help out as much as I can with those who are grieving.....the poor kids ... ugh!<br />
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<br />Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-42502781061312143682013-05-04T13:57:00.001-05:002013-05-04T13:57:40.937-05:00Life is just so cruel sometimesBeen awhile..<br />
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A sad post today due to a month that I so wish could be started over. On April 8th my father-in-law passed away after months of hospital visits, misery, and all around bad health. He was such a wonderful man and father figure to me. He loved it when I would take care of him--never batted me away and accepted it with great willingness, he liked me to make him food, get him things, make jokes with him, and was always so good to me and said such wonderful things about me. He was honest to a fault in many ways and never hesitated to tell you what he thought and how things were. His loss is deep and only 12 days before my own father five years ago. P is having a hard time as are the kids but that is something that is expected with such a loss.<br />
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Mr. T had a long successful life...from bringing home his quirky Bird Scare Predator Eye and introducing it to NASA creating a name for himself publicly and then not such great success with something called the fishmitt that would never have been a hit with avid fisherman. He even interviewed on the morning show of KQRS which is so far away from the type of man he was. Could probably still find it online somewhere. He traveled to many places including Japan and loved to bring his woman to Mexico for vacations and laze around on the sandy beaches. He never stopped looking for that multi-million dollar discovery to bring his family fame and fortune. Even in his hospital bed he relished his great successes in life, bragging proudly of them.<br />
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All his stories of his childhood days he loved to share with us...he was a good man and will be missed forever. His final days were less than wonderful but memorable all the same. P and our family were fortunate to spend one very special day with him in the hospital the day before he left us. One we will cherish forever and feel special to have been part of. Tomorrow we will celebrate his life and put some closure on this very sad time and begin the journey of healing.<br />
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On Monday my mother had a fire in her basement. The damage from the smoke is pretty extensive...my childhood home will forever be changed due to this event. Loss is pretty substantial as I speak to her each day..there is always something new being added to the list. She is holed up in a hotel for 6-8 weeks until all the repairs can be completed. She is fine aside from sadness of the loss of so much.<br />
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Lastly, our beloved Brooks the Beagle from Barron lost to the devil last night after he was hit by a car. A very good dog, a loyal yapper who stole my place on the couch every day. He would see his opportunity to lay in a warm spot and take it, never failed. His buddy Reggie the Retriever stood over him on the road and guarded him P was told. A man stopped and heard P calling the dogs and told him that he thought our puppy was gone. Needless to say....P had to wake me to tell me...we decided to wake the kids and bury our beloved pet last night shortly after--at 12:30.<br />
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Life is effing cruel....it's been very hard on all of us this last month. Emotions are lost in tears and pain and the feeling of just crawling out of our skin is overwhelming. We look very forward to moving forward but the moment is just lost in sorrow....no turning right or left is going to ease it right now.<br />
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Please keep my husband and children in your thoughts and say a prayer that nothing else will drop on this family right now. It's too much for the mojo.....<br />
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Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-28488385836390107082013-01-25T23:04:00.000-06:002013-01-25T23:04:32.316-06:00Amidst the chaosOk...this is bad. I haven't been here is far too long!! Why? Um, no excuses..well maybe. Laziness perhaps is the number one reason from October thru November but after that I actually have legitimate excuses. I got a full time job...well...technically it's 36 hours but with school and that I am a bit overwhelmed so sue me!<br />
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As my last post stated P and I celebrated our 24th year of marriage...that is most definitely a hard thing to fathom when you really think about it. I remember my mom and dad's 25th celebration..a big to-do. Thee silver wedding anniversary. Now we are just months away from that and it seems like just yesterday we said our vows. Damn time flies.<br />
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So...what's been happening in my world? Chaos to sum it up...work, school, everyday obligations, weekend obligations........just writing that I'm exhausted! I just finished up two Java programming classes which unfortunately threw a huge wrench in my GPA...were those classes frustrating and difficult. There's something to be said for having hands on experience when it comes to programming. Needless to say I have experienced two grades below 'A's thanks to those classes and I am not proud of it! UGH!<br />
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My job? Hmmmm, it's bitter sweet. I love it and I hate it. I'm a media clerk/tech integration specialist. I love the tech aspect but when everyone's computers are running great things can get pretty boring and make for a very long day. Ultimately though, I am so grateful to have a job. I searched and searched over the last three years and finally landed something that allows me to work with technology.<br />
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Our kids are all doing really well. Trudging along and making the best of this life. Our youngest (boy) turns 14 in February...our 17 year old is gearing up for College, our 21 year old it absolutely thriving in this life as a photographer, student, and fraud investigator at a bank and our 23 year old is a working mom living with us trying very hard to make a life for her and her son....it's life right? P and I are busy, stressed, and overwhelmed many days but at the end of each we come out with a deep breath and smiling. This is our life.<br />
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Anyway, that is just a quick update. There's no telling when I will post again but thought I would take a moment of my spare time to say 'Hey, I'm still around.' Sorry for the lapse but trying to navigate what is our very very very crazy chaotic life! Hope this post finds all five of my followers doing well and hope to be back as soon as I can..Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-5665847880901551832012-10-02T20:04:00.000-05:002012-10-02T20:05:22.740-05:0024 years of wedded adventuresYesterday marked 24 years of marriage for P and myself. We did nothing spectacular but had a super fabulous day. We were up at the crack of dawn to embark on a long drive to Chaska for a round of golf. On the way we got to see the fall colors in the morning sun...it was a quiet drive, both of us half asleep most of the way there. The course was absolutely stunning with all the beautiful fall colors. It was most certainly a really great day for a game of golf.<br />
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About 9 hours later we were on our way home and got to see the colors in a different shade of light. Vibrant reds and yellows all around and discussing how the weathermen were wrong about the drab colors we would experience this fall. We got each other an anniversary gift of pringles and munched on them as we discussed the day.<br />
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So we got home, our kids upset that we were going to be home 'already' and were told to go to our room or for a walk. Both of us were absolutely exhausted from the nearly four mile walk on the course so the mere mention of a walk sent us into aggravated laughter. Yeah right. So we opted to pick a movie and wait to see what they were up to.<br />
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About an hour later a knock came on the door that we could come out...we walked out to an empty house, two heaping plates of homemade chicken Alfredo, cheesy garlic bread, wine, and two taper candles on top of a clothed table. A card accompanied this dinner for two as well as absolute silence.<br />
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How very strange to have a romantic dinner in a house usually filled with chaos of kids and animals. P and I sat across from each other smiling and I almost think a bit unsure of how to handle such a romantic encounter. That only lasted about two minutes before we started talking and enjoying the very few moments of peace and quiet and it was so very wonderful.<br />
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It was a great way to end our very long day. The weather was gorgeous and the day was perfect. As I said to others, 'you couldn't have BOUGHT me a better anniversary!'<br />
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As for all the mush about my hubby...yeah, that's just a given. Good days, bad days, laughter, tears, happiness, sadness, anger, bliss....all of it is worth each and every moment of the last 24 years. I wouldn't trade a moment, an experience, or a lifetime of all the growing we have done and will continue to do together. I couldn't feel more lucky to have met this quirky guy who would jump off a bridge for me even if at times he's a bit stubborn. I have that streak too!<br />
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Anyway...Happy Anniversary P! I couldn't have ever asked for a more perfect person to spend all these years of my life with. I look so forward to many, many, more years with you!!!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-27378220110785518402012-09-11T09:17:00.000-05:002012-09-11T09:17:00.956-05:009-11-2001; Never Forget 11 years have passed and images of that day still make me sick to my stomach! Never forget!<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ciframe%20width=%22420%22%20height=%22315%22%20src=%22http://www.youtube.com/embed/8oOW-1OwtCA%22%20frameborder=%220%22%20allowfullscreen%3E%3C/iframe%3E" target="_blank"><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8oOW-1OwtCA" width="420"></iframe></a><br />
<br />Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-75534613887114468112012-07-19T09:37:00.000-05:002012-07-19T10:06:49.871-05:00Happy 17th Birthday to our baby girl!I remember a day 16 1/2 years ago like it was just yesterday. Our two older daughters were sprawled out on the floor on their stomachs, their feet in the air waggling, with markers and coloring pages all around them. Our six month old daughter had just started to scoot around on her belly and was dabbling in 'trouble' around the house. On this particular day I put her on the floor near her sisters and it was the fastest I had seen her scoot yet. Her destination? The markers and paper her sisters were coloring with..her mission? To destroy the pages and markers with drool and play tug of war with her older sisters for each and every marker and she fought hard for them...grunting and tearing into the next one if her sisters won the battle. Basically, she was fighting with them as best a six month old baby could. My mouth dropped open...she had a temper even then. I looked at P and the older girls and said, "Man, this girl is gonna get her way in life and be quite the handful!"<br />
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Today is her 17th birthday and I have to say that I read that entire situation correctly. Our youngest daughter is and has always been a fighter. She is quite spoiled but she would say differently. She was doted on by her older sisters and her father has grown very attached to her over the last couple of years and allowed her quite a few free passes and probably the biggest contributing spoiling culprit was me....yeah, she was my girlie girl. I had to do her hair every day in Pebbles Flinstone style, dress her in the most girlie of clothes, and coddled her probably more than I should have. They do say Karma is a bitch and I have to agree cuz I'm paying for it now.<br />
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She is a spitfire! Not afraid to voice her opinions or to argue with her parents; not afraid to punch her little brother who is now as tall as her and could probably kick my butt. If she doesn't like or agree with something she isn't afraid to let the world know...yeah, she's definitely our kid. But underneath all of that she has the kindest heart--she is very sensitive and occasionally, even now, big gator tears will well up in her big brown eyes as she tries very hard to fight it reminding me of the very reason I hovered over her so much when she was just a wee one.<br />
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Throughout the years she struggled a bit with grades; mostly middle school because of the 'culture shock' of the larger number of kids. High school came and she blossomed academically. Mostly A's with the occasional bump in History or Geography but at the end of each year she magically comes home with a report card she is so proud of. She reads like her father and finishes books within a day of getting them, is smart as a whip, and could argue Obama under the table! Yep, a young Conservative girl with lots of common sense mixed with a brain like her father's! What a combo and one all of our kids have.<br />
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On this day 17 years ago I remember putting off labor telling the nurses and the midwife NOT to break my water because I wasn't ready for the pain....I wasn't progressing so they told me I had to make the decision. It was a really relaxed situation....with a midwife everything was really calm and quite different. We had my friend come in the room with our two older girls so they could be part of the experience...I gave birth to this little peanut with a head full of black hair and a scrunched up face and immediately fell in love!<br />
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She lit up all our lives the instant she came into this world. Her big sisters were in awe, and I think my friend shed a tear as well. Never in my life did I imagine she would turn into this dangerously beautiful woman she has become...that she would be so strong in heart, soul, and mind yet so soft and sensitive to the smallest thing. Never did I imagine that we would all dote on her the way we do..protect her to within an inch of her life and that she would be as bold as her parents when push comes to shove.<br />
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She used to cry and believe that we didn't love her..and this was just a couple of years ago. She used to say we didn't care about her and that she wasn't very smart. God if only she could see herself through our eyes. She is one amazing woman and P and I couldn't be more proud of yet another of our kids.<br />
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This my Sweet Dolly is a tribute to you on your 17th birthday. May your wishes come true and the next year of your life give you as much happiness and joy as you have given all of us since the day you entered our lives! Happy Birthday!!!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-70507032322827629622012-06-22T10:37:00.000-05:002012-06-22T10:38:33.624-05:00Ridicuolous yet not suprisingI have another post for my hubby in the works but with the last few days of events in Duluth, I wanted to <a href="http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/article/id/235070/" target="_blank">post this link</a> because 1) I cannot stand PETA 2) this is so typical of them that 3) refer back to #1<br />
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<a href="http://www.myfoxny.com/story/18847568/denver-neighborhood-bans-children-from-drawing-chalk-art-on-sidewalk" target="_blank">This next link</a> is something that is just another angle on how petty, ridiculous, and simply put irritatingly maddening people can be. Perhaps sitting the children in the middle of the road would create more <i>peaceful enjoyment</i> for these people! Jeezus!<br />
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<br />Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-31497803546686430422012-05-30T18:30:00.002-05:002012-05-30T18:33:57.321-05:00What a really great weekendI've been sick the last couple days. And it just figures...I decided on Monday that I was going to do one thing a day this week towards getting our house back in order and cleaned again. Yesterday, I woke up all gung-ho, dug into one room that really needed to be clean--it took me three hours to do. By nine o'clock though I had this nagging cough that just wouldn't quit....by noon I was curled up on the couch fighting the sleep and shivers. At least I finished that room though. At first I thought it was from the cleaning stuff I was using..that I was inhaling some of the stuff in the air and it was coating my throat...I no longer think that. So here I sit on my couch the second day in a row actually very disappointed that I cannot continue my 'to-do' list! How often does that happen? Yeah, never!<br />
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We had an absolutely fabulous, relaxing yet busy weekend. It's the one weekend in between all our 'busy' that we get to just be and do what we need to do or just simply want to do. On Friday we had a few beers and a fire with very wet wood. P managed to spark it anyway and I couldn't be more grateful for that because I really wanted a fire. He makes sure to give me what I want..what a guy I have!<br />
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Saturday P got up early and headed to the cities for the day to help his buddy move. I took our son to the park and him and I fished all day and into the evening--P met us there once he finished. We caught a few bass but nothing to brag about. That night we had a couple more beers and decided to sleep in the tent...yeah, we do that sometimes..just set up the tent and pretend to camp. lol<br />
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Sunday..ahh, Sunday was a fun day. P went and played tennis with our daughter and came home absolutely exhausted. She's quite a tennis player but loves to say she's not. But I can see that pride in her face when she talks about those matches with her dad. He loves to tease her though which is so like him.<br />
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So, after we all took showers and got ourselves together we decided to go fishing..and even our daughter wanted to go..oh goodness! Our daughter NEVER goes fishing with us so we had to get out of here and quick. When we left the sun was shining and it was still pretty hot out. We fished for a couple hours while this big dark cloud slowly made its way over our heads. Every few minutes it would start to rain...big huge drops would waft across the lake and we would watch as they came after us. Thankfully though we each only felt a few of those drops each time...enough to cool us off.<br />
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But then...yeah, things changed. We heard a siren and I asked if it was 6:00 already. Nope, that was just a siren going off. There was no rain or wind or anything. That siren kept blaring and then another started up...P and I looked at each other, at the sky and wondered if maybe there wasn't something heading towards us. Well then another siren and then another and another and we said, 'Ok, it's time to get out of here!'<br />
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There was a boat flying across the lake as we packed up as best we could....during that time it started to sprinkle, then rain, and as we were struggling to get the rest of our stuff the skies opened up. Sirens screaming, torrential rains showering us we simply just scooped everything up and took off.<br />
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As we made our way to the path with that eerie sound of five or six sirens going off, someone started sounding an air horn across the lake....good grief what in the hell....my son and I started walking faster and the rain came down harder. There was a slight breeze and then all the sudden I hear, "Oh my God, it's hailing!!!" I look down and see pea size hail bouncing all over the ground...I HATE storms...it's a childhood thing so when I saw my son stop and pick up a piece of hail I yelled at him to haul ass because hail is just not a good sign....then it kept getting bigger and I started seeing nickel size hail and my freak out mechanism really kicked in.<br />
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Yes, I was freaking out. I heard P and our daughter behind us saying 'Ouch! Ouch!' Our boy was in front of me saying 'Ouch! I just got hit again!' and I'm thinking...we have to get out of these trees because there was thunder and lightening and there was no way I was going to stop because I didn't want to get nailed with the hail..which by the way I must have been too focused on running and not tripping in my flip-flops because I didn't feel a single piece of hail hit me...I just kept telling our boy to hustle and that we had to get out of there....<br />
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Yeah, him and I did triple time back to the car...P knows how I feel about storms and he too was a bit freaked out but he hung back because our daughter was struggling to run in her flip-flops....oh it was probably pretty comical to the innocent bystander who may have been watching us....all the same it was not a very pleasant five minutes getting back to that car wondering what may have been lurking just over that horizon that caused all this racket!<br />
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Our son and I made it to the edge of the parking lot and guess what....the sirens whirred themselves into silence, the hail stopped, and we were left with a gentle breeze and a light sprinkle. At this time I stopped triple timing it and walked the rest of the way to the car. I looked back and P and our girl were still about 25 feet away walking fast but every last one of us looked as if we had just got in the shower with our clothes on and stepped out and went about our day! We were soaked.<br />
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The cars that were just moments before leaving the parking lot came back and parked...one man looked at us laughing and said, 'Where you going? The fun hasn't even started yet!" and proceeded to laugh with us.....we must have all looked like wet rats..hair plastered to our faces, clothes heavy with water, mud up and down our legs from our flippers...yeah.<br />
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We hesitated mentally and thought about going back out to the point to fish all the while all of us putting our stuff in the car....I think at that point we had made a unanimous decision that yes, we were done fishing. lol But man, what a great adventure!<br />
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Monday came and our oldest daughter and her family wanted to come hang out for the day. They brought their 'secret' burgers and we played cornhole and sat outside watching our WeeMan playing for most of the day. It was one hell of a great weekend. While it wasn't just us sitting on our asses doing nothing all weekend it was so very relaxing and nice to have some time to just be! And I must say, each time we have this sort of time to ourselves we end up with some very great memories to reflect on....Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-59054714706569374852012-05-27T15:06:00.001-05:002012-05-27T15:06:17.008-05:00Happy Memorial Day 2012Another Memorial Day upon us so quickly and another day to honor those men and women who have sacrificed, served, and died for us. Each year I post the same things, but for myself it's important to remind myself.<br />
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I have a brother in the military who served in Kosovo for a year, friends who have served, our kids have friends who are returning and leaving for Afghanistan. I watch as families cry with joy when their soldier comes home, I listen to people reflect on those things they're allowed to about their experience away from home, I read headlines of soldiers dying, have cried tears as our own daughter went to boot camp and my brother went away to Kosovo. <br />
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I often think of the lonely road the soldiers must pave when they are thrown into the unfamiliar....how their lives will most likely never be the same once they return home--new bonds formed..a brotherhood with those they serve with..those they save and encounter danger with...those they work along side of while their families sit at home watching the tube or surfing the internet...even right now we are oblivious to what is going on in their world....the best I can do is to say Thank You and to remember.<br />
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Today is one day that I do that silently more than not...I post to my blog pretty sure they won't even know it exists but all the same...Thank You to all those who have sacrificed, served, and given me the very right to live a life of freedom and peace!<br />
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God Bless all the soldiers for their service and selflessness. <br />
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<br />Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-31179018864960489862012-05-14T07:20:00.002-05:002012-05-14T07:20:18.803-05:00Feeling very lovedTwo pieces of cinnamon toast and freshly squeezed orange juice from our last two oranges lovingly squeezed by our daughter, hand-picked purple wild flowers carefully chosen by our son, 4 Jimmy Dean sausages cooked to perfection by my one and only, all served on a cookie sheet because we don't have tv trays! That is how my day started and how my Mother's Day has started for many years! It's something I have grown to look forward to. <br />
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Sometimes I wonder if all moms feel and think the same way I do...I often don't even think of my role as their mom or wife.....it's just another day in my life. All mom's should be made to feel as special and I do hope that happens because it reminds me that even though I never think twice about the daily routine, there are people in my life who do in fact recognize these things. When my family walks through that door every Mother's Day with flowers and breakfast..all of them with big grins on their faces it just melts my heart! They are all so proud and happy to pamper me...what woman wouldn't love that?<br />
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We are getting ready now to go for a long walk....our oldest daughter is spending the day with her little guy and enjoying her time with him...our second oldest is here with us attempting to talk us into seeing Superhero movies, our youngest daughter is in her room waiting to go for a walk and our boy is out fishing for the day....we are planning to play the beanbag game after our walk and then P is going to make big fat T-bones on the grill for dinner. Ahhhh, I do so love my family! They are so awesome!<br />
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I attempted to call my own mom today but she was not at home. I do hope she's enjoying this beautiful day...more than likely she's out gardening or doing yard work because we just cannot keep that woman settled long enough to relax. I will try to call her again later but until then....<br />
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For all you mom's out there..one day a year we are all honored and rightly so. Being a mom brings with it so many different emotions..so many overwhelming feelings, so much worry, so much knowledge.....so much love in our hearts.and mostly...so many times of saying, "God, if only I had listened to my mom". Yep, I've said that more than not..I've also said, "you just wait...." or "I told you so" or "I'm turning into my mom"....all things I swore I would never do because that knowledge and those same words my mom always used irked me more than anything else! Yep, now I am my mom!<br />
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I hope all you mom's had a spectacular Mother's Day today! I know that mine has been perfect and I am so proud and honored to be the mom to four really great kids who take the time to let me know how very much they love me even if I irritate them; and I am so very warmed by a husband who appreciates me that much that he is standing right next to them throughout the day smiling proudly and doing everything he can to make my Mom's Day just that much more special.<br />
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Thank you P, D, J, C, and B! You made this mom feel so very loved and honored!!!! What a really great family I have!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-19942045698880854022012-05-08T10:54:00.000-05:002012-05-08T10:58:47.323-05:00Happy 21st Birthday PortenAnother of our children has hit a milestone in their life. Our second oldest daughter is 21-years old today already. That may not be such a milestone in the eyes of some but for a kid it opens up so much. They cannot wait for this day...mostly because they can go out with their friends to the bars and buy a six pack at the store. For parents it opens up more 'worry-doors'.<br />
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So tonight, P and I are going to go out with her and her friends to celebrate with a couple of drinks, some good laughs, and perhaps throw in a couple of embarrassing moments of our daughter's life.<br />
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This little girl was not a beautiful baby but instead very unique. She wasn't born with a lot of hair, she had tiny little eyes, pudgy little cheeks, and was a complete mama's girl. No one could hold her and comfort her but her mama and I was fine with that. The first few days of her life I was terribly sick with a very high fever so she slept next to me--her 'heater'--pretty much for the first week after she came into this world. The only time she left my side was when P changed her for me. Sadly I was so sick that I could barely get myself out of bed to eat let alone talk to her--she cried, I fed her while I slept, she cried and didn't want to eat P took her from me and brought her back to sleep with me.<br />
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Anyway, this unique looking little girl changed within three months. Her eyes became huge, she grew a tiny bit of peach fuzz on her head, and her face changed. From a very young age we told people she had Disney eyes...and that has not changed. As she grew more her hair started to come in--by the time she was 2 she had soft flowing light brown curls down to the middle of her back. Beautiful hair--until her older sister, who was 3 at the time, decided they needed haircuts. Those curls ended up in a paper lunch bag...<br />
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Barney was a big hit around the time J was 2 1/2. I remember her dad talking about this show with the purple dinosaur--he would lay on the couch and watch it with the girls. Soon this purple dinosaur became the highlight of our daughter's life--she had to have Barney clothes, Barney bedding, Barney toys, and she even dressed up like Barney for Halloween...yeah, she was obsessed. She also took a liking to dancing and singing. That girl wore dresses all the time..and if she didn't have a clean one she would put on her night gown. One of her favorite things to do was spin around and watch her dresses fly up....she would do this for hours.<br />
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As she grew older, we signed her up for dance for a few years which she absolutely loved. Then she started playing soccer on top of that. What was peculiar about her was her inability to full out run as a little girl. She never ran full on...she galloped. So when the day arrived during a soccer game that she just suddenly lost that galloping step and took off running both P and I noticed immediately.<br />
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As the years have continued to pass by J grew into a very sophisticated woman somehow....throughout junior and senior high she excelled in all her classes and graduated in the top five of her class. She was very hard on herself if she received less than an A on any assignment even if it was in gym class. She took college courses in high school and aced them all. Not only was she completely dedicated to her schooling but she held down two jobs--and at times three in her spare time so she could make money! WOW!<br />
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Today, she's working in a bank as a teller, going to school part time, and building her own photography business. This girl has camera equipment that makes me drool! She has rekindled that spark in me..has urged me to pick up my camera again and start doing what she knows I love to do. She is a spit fire--had numerous temper tantrums when she was little that could break anyone's ear drum...she is stubborn, smart, has a huge heart, loves deeply, hurts easily, has one hell of a sense of humor, and is a daughter that can make any parent proud. She takes no shit but if hurt doesn't wear it on her sleeve either!<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> https://www.facebook.com/Jtepoortenphotography</span><br />
I have posted a sample of one of her photos that has gone down so far as one of her greatest prom pictures and I would have to agree whether it be a bias thing or an eye for a great photograph. This girl is going to succeed in this messed up life. Since she was very young she has had the determination of one who will conquer and make a name for herself. While she may never be famous or wealthy, she will always be famous in our hearts for her motivation and good-natured spirit and filthy rich with love from us and all those who have the honor of knowing her! Happy 21st Birthday Porten! We love you more than words could ever explain and could not be MORE proud of all that you have accomplished in these 21 years!! <br />
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<br />Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-78579972665935209612012-05-03T10:53:00.002-05:002012-05-03T11:07:23.140-05:00Some normalcyHow very bizarre! April has come and gone and it took with it all that darkness! Yay! Normal. My apologies for that last post, it is very morbid and sad. This year was just not great. But now? Yeah, feeling good again and ready to begin another season of soccer.<br />
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Yep, it's soccer time! Our boy is on a great team this year. Some really really good, dedicated, motivated, hard working players. This year is different because our area and another merged into one so that we had better team selections and a more balanced program. I wasn't sure about this new program because it's a bit further away for practices but after watching the boys play over the last week all that doesn't matter anymore! The boys from the other area are excellent players, very disciplined, positive, and hungry!<br />
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With this new soccer season I have once again pulled out the camera. Nothing unusual except that I am taking it a bit more seriously and have found something I have ignored for awhile--my deep seeded love for photography. The boys had a tournament over the weekend and I decided on Sunday after a great day of photos that I was going to create a soccer page dedicated to the team. That this year, instead of hoarding all the pics I've taken in the past--and half assed to boot--I am going to give the team and their parents the opportunity to see what I've done. And so far, people really like it. I've gotten some feedback and some really nice emails from parents about how grateful they are, what good photos I've gotten...but I don't take compliments well which is something I have to work on.<br />
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Above you will see a few examples of shots I've managed to get. I'm quite rusty with action photography but when I worked for the local newspaper years ago covering sports I fell in love with photographing the action. It was so much fun! And oh yeah..the action is fast on the field and my shutter is constantly clicking. Right now the goal is to eliminate as much blur as I can but it needs work!<br />
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Being out of school seems to be helping me re-acclimate to the civilization that I have had on hold for nearly four years and it feels good to be human again for a change. I haven't had much luck in the job search but that will come.....right now I'm just enjoying my family again and my life that has been missing. It's nice; I look forward to getting back into school but maybe with some time off I will find a better balance for that and life again.<br />
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Ahh, today I'm loving every minute of it!!!! Have a great day all!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-75619277738489160442012-04-20T07:33:00.002-05:002012-04-20T07:33:34.083-05:00Year four is killing meEach year this day comes one of the first things I tell myself is next year things will not hurt as much. Time heals all wounds is the saying right? Ha! Now that seems to be a joke on us! Sorry, I'm a bit angry or maybe it's frustrated. This month didn't sneak up on me like they have the last couple years. In fact it's been building since the end of March. The thoughts of the days in the hospital with my dad so vivid I can hear everything all over again. <br />
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Our son's soccer started again this year around that time at the local ice arena. On April 6, 2008 while we were there for soccer I received the call that would be the beginning of the end. Perhaps being there early this month watching his team do drills triggered something deeper than I have allowed myself to face. Needless to say, I am struggling more this year then I think I have since 2008.<br />
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That day just a few short weeks ago a moment was lost with the realization of that fateful day four years ago; life stopped, everything went silent around me, and all the days spent in hospital with my father came crashing down on me like someone had dropped a huge boulder on top of me. I have been in convulsive tears many times this month, his laughter ringing in my head, the last hug I got from him, the words, 'Where's Bubs' when I would be silently sitting next to his hospital bed trying to make myself believe that he was just sick and would go home soon.<br />
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I'm angry for so many reasons, most importantly because I can't control these emotions! I'm frustrated because fighting them is like fighting a rubber band--I think I have a grasp on them and suddenly my eyes will well up instantly. Over the last week I've barely slept, I've barely eaten, and have curled up inside of myself just like I did after he died. Why? It's been four years?<br />
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April is always an awful month now. He stayed with us over Christmas and New Years, got through his birthday and past Easter...the norm in our family is someone dies right around Christmas. Not him...perhaps it was his will that helped him to get through them because he knew the pain around the holidays. Funny how we rationalize things to fit the perfect image that helps us believe we can in fact control things. Many times I watched my father grieve the loss of a family member around Christmas--he would become very silent; his jolly spirit would be nowhere and he would just stare. Perhaps that is where I get it from...that dislocation from reality..a way to cope.<br />
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All I know right now is that I am a wreck of gigantic proportions. That tears have been coming and going since I got home from our sons soccer last night; I slept awful, woke at around 4:20 this morning to the memory of me standing at his feet at that same time four years ago, hanging on to his right foot, tears streaming down my face as nearly my entire family surrounded him and said the rosary. I remember thinking that I needed to stop showing him my raw pain...I knew what was happening but didn't want him to know I knew but I couldn't hide it..he saw my pain, he couldn't speak anymore, but then at the same time I wasn't even sure he was even able to recognize any of us. I so badly wanted to jump on the hospital bed and shake up his jolly..make him say something to egg me on...I so badly wanted to see my dad one last time. <br />
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And now four years later I want it all back...I hear his laughter ringing in my head just like I spoke with him yesterday. Only it's just an echo now. I just don't know why it's been so difficult this year. I am able to cope any other month--think about him often and chuckle about this or that. But this month seems to get harder each year than easier. Perhaps it's fear that I will forget him or such a deep loss that it will always be this way, I don't know.<br />
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I've been withdrawn, punchy, quit school for awhile, and am just walking around in the same kind of fog I was four years ago. Yeah, I quit school to find a job because this economy sucks but another reason was because the stress....the confusion and frustration with my inability to push this back and move on like I normally would. Usually on the anniversary I sob one time and then it eases..not this time. I've sobbed a couple times already in the last 24-hours and it's still right in my throat. I've cried at least once a day; lost my ability to breathe normally on some days because it hits me so hard. And when asked how I'm doing with it my immediate response is 'fine'. Exuding strength...that was one of my father's biggest assets and something I watched closely..I wanted to be just like him. He laughed a lot, he had a lot of fun with is own wit and charm and loved to make people laugh. I was always so proud when I could make HIM laugh because I knew I was getting it. <br />
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Yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious that I'm not fine..that I am really looking forward to the 24th of this month coming and going so I can put these feelings to rest for awhile....April is just not a good month. May is just around the corner and maybe then I can resume life as I know it now without him and find that peace that I have learned to cling to. Until then, forgive me for my post, forgive me for the rain if it should fall, forgive me for being a wreck. I really think I need to go fishing or something!<br />
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Miss you so much Dad!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-8888797737084184792012-04-03T10:00:00.005-05:002012-04-03T10:42:10.201-05:00I think the starting shot has been fired!So yep...I'm supposed to be taking a break from this appendage on my lap but because my first day off has already been full of excitement, AND I have time to share, I'm going to do that! So here's a story<br /><br />My first day off literally started with a bang. I decided I'd continue my routine of getting up with P and the kids a six, make their lunches, pour P's coffee, clean the kitchen, get in the shower and run to the store quick and come home and just be lazy--read news, watch movies, whatever. But before I can get into this I have to give some background...<br /><br />Last night at around 10 or so P and I were on our deck smoking...a car went by and there was a crunch about five seconds after it passed our house (about 1/8 of a mile down the road) .. oops, the car hit a deer. Nothing unusual. P said it was a pretty good crunch, I didn't hear it because I was talking.<br /><br />So this morning at about 7:30 I left for the store...as I was nearing where the deer was hit I noticed some movement. I glanced and out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of two huge eyes staring at me. I slowed a bit--habit of living out here--and turned my head and met the eyes of a doe curled up in the ditch. She was just laying there staring at me...I then remembered that a car hit a deer right in that vicinity last night. As you can imagine, my mind went through it all and came to rest on...this poor thing has been sitting here suffering all damn night!<br /><br />I stopped in the middle of the road, not sure what to do..then proceeded up the road, slammed on the brakes and turned around and parked. I got out and she didn't move so I knew at that moment she was hurt bad enough that she was unable to move. I walked towards the deer. She was very alive but from what I could see one of her legs that was underneath her was destroyed. There wasn't any blood..as I neared her she just stared at me and I stared right back--what is it about doe eyes..omg. I didn't want to get too close because I didn't want her to move much. I'm sure she was freaking so I walked back to the truck and called P. He told me to call the cops.<br /><br />I called the cops and I was so worried they wouldn't see her that I asked if they wanted me to hang out but he assured me that I should just go on my way...I kind of had a feeling it wasn't for the reason of not finding her but the other...<br /><br />So, I went to the store and decided I would buy an apple and a knife..yes, I'm ridiculous that way. But if they were going to kill the deer I wanted her to have one last treat. I sat in the parking lot, cut the apple up and proceeded to drive home. On the way down the big hill I started thinking about if I had stayed. Knowing the legs of the deer were messed up I knew they would have to shoot her so I started thinking about what I would tell the cops..yeah, I know, you have to shoot her but just please don't do it in front of me....<br /><br />Yeah..I got to our road, saw the City truck drive across the highway down my road and the cop car parked. When I got to about 75 yards I could see the cop walking around the front of his car towards the deer..then I saw the deer scrambling as best she could trying to get up the hill to the field...then I saw the flash of gun shot and the deer collapsed...I was about 50 yards away by that time. My foot fell off the gas pedal, my mouth hung open and my eyes welled up with tears....omg...wasn't I just saying to myself not to shoot the deer when I was around? I glanced at the cut up apple, drove by at a snails pace as the cop was putting his gun in the holster, looked at the deer now resting peacefully, and tried to tell myself that I called for a reason.<br /><br />I got in the driveway, blinked away the tears, opened my door and heard another shot....I cringed and my eyes began to sting again....good grief woman, what the hell is your problem. These varmints are all over the place, run through our yard, leave poop in the yard, eat your hostas...what the hell! I opened the other door to get my bag of groceries out and on the seat was the cut up apple...what a sap I am! I had to remind myself that I made that call for a reason..that it was what was best for the deer who lay there suffering all night...<br /><br />All in all, it should be a good morning but having to see the animal shot like that was like a punch in the gut. I'm not angry about it...I am very glad that it happened...the whole point was to ease the suffering of an injured animal and that is the way it should be. I don't think the legs could have been saved....the one I saw was pretty messed up. But the haunting look in the eyes of that deer will be in my mind for a long time.....wow...what a way to start eh?Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-74373601682935075472012-04-03T09:22:00.002-05:002012-04-03T10:00:44.523-05:00Some relief is gracing my lifeThe last three months or so I have been struggling with school. Or maybe it's just struggling to maintain my mojo. I still have a 3.96 GPA and am acing all my classes but with that comes hours and hours of focus, mental capacity, and concentration. Those three things have been barely hanging on...this last class that I just finished being the worst.<br /><br />I have been near tears or in tears with stress and the pressure I put on myself to maintain is enormous..yeah, a lot of it is my fault. But succeeding in school is a priority to me...I sucked in high school because I slacked off and didn't take it seriously. When I tried I failed miserably because I never paid attention to those things I needed to in order to succeed in the whole purpose of the classes I was in. Now though, I want to succeed to prove to me that I was actually just a slacker and didn't apply myself. And so far, yep, I'm doing great job at that.<br /><br />However, today is the first day of a much needed leave of absence from the 24/7 grind and marathon I have been on for nearly three years. The last eight months I have been working towards my Bachelors in IT--the classes are five weeks long with nine weeks worth of learning crammed into them. They are very intense and every class we HAVE to be on a team which is maddening enough...The work isn't that awful but when you have four or five people all working on the same thing, things get very muddled.<br /><br />I decided about three weeks ago that I have to take a break..a mental break. I work on school work from roughly eight in the morning until about nine at night give or take a couple hours here or there. I struggle academically...always did so comprehending things I read takes me a little more time and then articulating them in writing ... well, I'm a perfectionist..I have to know what I'm talking about so research has been consuming many of my days. But I love every second of it. I spent all the years after high school being a full time mom, running a daycare day and night, and promised myself that once our kids were older, I was going to go after what I always wanted...school, a career, yeah.<br /><br />So, for today I'm going to just relax and settle with the idea that I don't have to have a laptop glued to my lap...of course that isn't currently happening as I'm sitting here typing this. I have up to six months to recuperate although I was having a tough time decided if I wanted two months off or closer to four. My adviser told me to put in for all six months and come back when I am ready. During this time off I plan to get a job to acclimate to that, take care of some much needed housework, and just try to remember who I am without school...it's been a great ride so far and even though I am burnt out, mentally drained, and still teary eyed, I cannot wait to hit the books again with a fresh outlook. The last leg of this journey will be a great one...to the day I am holding that Bachelors diploma in my hand and hearing the cheering squad that is my most biggest motivation...P and our kids!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-28176525330624355172012-03-26T16:35:00.008-05:002012-03-28T17:37:06.936-05:00Someone just say something already!I've been<a href="http://dailycaller.com/2012/03/26/former-naacp-leader-accuses-sharpton-and-jackson-of-exploiting-trayvon-martin/"> reading</a><a href="http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/outrage-builds-over-trayvon-martin-shooting-release-police-200335584.html"> many</a> <a href="http://gma.yahoo.com/trayvon-martin-killing-friend-phone-teen-death-recounts-063243901--abc-news.html">articles</a> about this Trayvon Martin shooting. At first when I read about it last week I questioned whether or not Zimmerman shot this kid in self defense but have since begun to rethink that.<br /><br />Last week, there was no mention of a good reason why this boy was shot other than he was a suspicious looking character in the neighborhood. Zimmerman, the 'killer', was being painted as someone who had some personal vendetta against black people and damn if it didn't almost drag me in.<br /><br />Our own president, who I am not a big fan of, <a href="http://www.politico.com/politico44/2012/03/obama-i-had-a-son-hed-look-like-trayvon-118439.html">even chimed in </a>so good grief, there has to be <span style="font-style: italic;">some </span>injustice going on--especially for the leader of our country to speak out on the murder of a <span style="font-style: italic;">single </span>man considering all the other murders that take place on any given day. This one just has to be special. Although, I am not really that naive..perhaps it is just that part of me that tries very hard remember there are two sides to every story.<br /><br />What I have learned from all my reading is that there most certainly is an injustice going on. I have sat for hours reading more and more about this. My own personal belief now is that this whole media blow up of racism, the president's reaction, <a href="http://nation.foxnews.com/spike-lee/2012/03/28/spike-lee-no-comment-dangerous-trayvon-martin-tweet">Spike Lee posting the 'murderers' address on Twitter not once but twice</a>--except they <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/in-trayvon-martin-case-plenty-of-misinformation/2012/03/28/gIQAxaPhgS_blog.html?tid=pm_world_pop">weren't really the murders address but that of an elderly couple who are now terrified</a>, <a href="http://global.christianpost.com/news/jesse-jackson-al-sharpton-join-naacp-in-trayvon-martin-protests-72069/">Jesse Jackson</a> and <a href="http://www.wpbf.com/Al-Sharpton-Jesse-Jackson-among-thousands-at-Trayvon-Martin-rally/-/8789538/9717946/-/i0a5fyz/-/index.html">Al Sharpton</a>, <a href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/trayvon-martin/cracker-tshirt-759832">the 'p****-ass Cracker' t-shirt wearing children</a>, <a href="http://campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com/blogs/beltway-confidential/dem-pulled-house-floor-trayvon-hoodie/450891">hoodies on the senate floor</a>, the <a href="http://rt.com/usa/news/trayvon-martin-zimmerman-sanford-597/">mother trademarking</a> her deceased child's name, <a href="http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Trayvon-Martin-Protesters-Ransacked-North-Miami-Beach-Walgreens-144407215.html">protests and storming of a Walgreens</a>...ALL of them are making a <a href="http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/03/26/2714778/thousands-expected-at-trayvon.html">huge mistake </a>and one that is maddening.<br /><br />I won't elaborate much more other than to say that I am appalled at the President of the United States--why? He should be standing up and pulling on the reins of this runaway train as more and more information begins to surface. All that outrage I read about last week seemed very real, very reasonable...after the things I've read up to today....my own outrage is for a man who should really be setting an example of a proud man, a proud race, a proud country. Instead the hateful words are still being doled out everywhere...<br /><br />There is so much I could say about both sides of this but I cannot. But I will say this...once someone who finds this post offensive you can be damn sure that because I am angry with the President for his lack of upstanding behavior I will be labeled a racist;<a href="http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2012/03/28/obama_campaign_republicans_are_politicizing_trayvon_martins_death.html"> and the mere fact that I am even posting on it I will be accused of making this political as is already starting to occur. </a>It's funny too because it seems to me that the shooter is a registered democrat, <a href="http://thehill.com/video/house/218677-rep-waters-stiff-evidence-death-of-trayvon-martin-a-hate-crime-">the majority of those protesting or </a><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/28/politics/congressman-hoodie/index.html">wearing hoodies</a><a href="http://thehill.com/video/house/218677-rep-waters-stiff-evidence-death-of-trayvon-martin-a-hate-crime-"> on the senate floor are more than likely liberal and democrat</a> and here I sit in my home, reading all about these follies, shaking my head, becoming very concerned about what will be the result of this mess and it will be me that is a hater, a cracker, a racist, a murderer.....is that NOT how things have been going since I have become a blogger??? Yeah, pretty much..but oh well.<br /><br />I am very sorry for the death of Trayvon to his parents, to all his friends and family. I am sorry that Zimmerman will have to live with this for the rest of his life and <a href="http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/nationnow/la-na-nn-black-panther-party-20120327,0,7849382.story">god help him live a good long life.</a> I say that because the way things have been going there really is no telling how safe that man and his family will ever be again. What I am most sorry about is how this <a href="http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-TV?id=%7BC74446C9-03E0-45E8-B4B8-4F032F1EF96A%7D&title=CNN-Host-Pushes-Dem">one death has been made so very important above so many others</a> in this life I have lived and for what may be reasons that equate to nothing more than self defense. How will people accept that as a reason with so many strong leaders screaming 'cold blooded murder' or worse, remaining silent as the havoc unfolds.....Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-80503172346386416932012-03-23T22:06:00.003-05:002012-03-23T22:11:26.404-05:00Watch out boys!TeeHeeHee....we've been out golfing three times already since last week...sadly, I am injured but that ain't gonna stop me! I have a mission this season, to stay in competition with P and T out there and so far I'm holding my own despite a majorly effed up lumbar/lower back injury. The best part is the two of them are so worried about the others score that they never ask me what mine is...only to find out that I'm within maybe five strokes of them...yeah...I have to fix this back of mine cuz I am feeling a bit rebellious this year....and hell yeah, I'm gloating...but I'm married to one of the best gloaters I know! lmao!!!!!! (love you babe!)Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-47073761012659851232012-03-14T21:15:00.003-05:002012-03-14T21:37:33.632-05:00Yeah...he's my little manI'm a bit late with this post..been a busy few weeks and time just keeps getting away from me. However, I haven't forgotten that I need to post something that followed that really hectic weekend we had with the wedding.<br /><br />That following Monday was a bitter sweet day. 13 years before our wee little baby boy entered our lives. It was his birthday obviously and a day that marked the last of our children under those teen years. That day I reflected on my pregnancy with him. How shocked P and I were to learn that we were going to have another child...then the hell we went through with the first ultra sound and the rude techs which resulted in a free ultra sound after I unknowingly vented to the supervisor of the tech department about how horrible my husband and kids were treated. We had not had any ultra sounds with our three girls, had no desire to know if they would be boys or girls but this last one was different. And the first ultra sound experience left me in tears and P very upset. But that second one was amazing...we left there with the words, you are definitely going to have a boy.<br /><br />Yeah, right, I certainly was not convinced even though she pointed out all the plumbing. Three girls in and that denial that we would have a boy was overpowering. Then I had another ultra sound at eight months and it was certainly a 'foreign object' that showed on the screen. But even then, I was in disbelief as was P. I bought yellow clothes or neutral colors. Walked around unconvinced. I was sick most of that pregnancy with morning, afternoon, and evening sickness, gained a ton of weight, and looked like I had a watermelon under my clothes....<br /><br />The day came and I had decided early on that I would do something else different...have the spinal...BIG mistake. I was puking my guts out in between and during contractions, felt miserable but hey, that was the first time after three babies that those awful contractions didn't make me want to pass out. Ahhhhh....then it came time for this 'alien' to come see us...I was yelled at by the doc to stop pushing and I yelled back...unheard of btw with the girls...I had to get that baby out because well..I won't get into why. But when this little 'alien' came out he was definitely a he....and he was very dark. P even asked if I was sure that was his kid--jokingly-- but he was very dark. He looked like his grandpa....round face, scrunched up and the worst part of it all is I was so out of it from the drugs that I could barely hold him.....oh man.....<br /><br />So this little baby boy was real...changing him was a challenge as I had never experienced pee flying in the air before let alone right in the face when changing a baby in the dark in the middle of the night...it was quite an adventure that I will always hold very dear to my heart.<br /><br />As this little boy grew he managed to bury within me a love that I will never be able to explain. P always had his little girls....but this was my first experience with mama's boy. Him and I found snakes and lizards, caught monarch caterpillars, watched them turn into butterflies only to let them go, I taught him to fish only to be outfished by the time he was 8 years old...latching on to those two bass that held my worm in their mouths after they broke my line.....oh he's got such a big heart too.....and soccer? Oh yeah the boy can play..in fact he is playing on a team that is a year older than him this year. At the age of 12 he tried out and was placed on the 14-year old team.....talk about proud? Yeah, he's my boy.<br /><br />Now he is nearly as tall as me, voice deeper than his fathers, girlfriends all over the place, and still...even though he is tough as could be finds moments in his life to talk to me heart to heart, laugh with me...and just be my boy....<br /><br />Yes, he's on his way to being a man; there is no stopping that runaway train. But in the end he is still my boy...my little man....that very big surprise that to this day still amazes me to no end.Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-41942010440540153552012-02-29T00:22:00.004-06:002012-02-29T00:41:07.373-06:00Wedding bliss at it's finestWe've been pretty occupied the last month or so. Of course most of it consumed with work, long walks, and homework. But the last week was one that has us worn out and looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.<br /><br />Our son B was asked to be in my Godson's/nephew's wedding quite a few months ago. I was overjoyed with this because this nephew is my favorite and I have to say, as close to a second son to me as any can get. His mama is my sunshine and I could never take her place nor would I even try! He's just that special to our entire family.<br /><br />Anyway, about three weeks ago P got a call from my nephew and he asked P to be a groomsman because one of the others had to back out. P happily obliged. So we had already gone to get our boy's tux fitted, P needed his done and the girls and I needed outfits of course. So the last week was consumed with girl shopping that was agonizing but we managed to find what we needed.<br /><br />I had the honor of being around when P and B donned their tuxes and oh my, did they look handsome. I can't tell how many times my eyes teared up with pride that day over my handsome men not to mention the groom. Even writing about it now my eyes are stinging. Seeing the two of them like that reminded me that I have some really great guys in my life who I adore and who adore me....**pitter-patter**<br /><br />The wedding was a very unique and beautiful wedding. It took place in the reception hall so everyone was able to find their table and sit back and just enjoy. The wedding party walked down the aisle to Aerosmith's Walk This Way, the bride to my current favorite song, A Thousand Years. Our boy remembered to watch his pace and P remembered to take his hand out of his pocket and they walked with big smiles for all the flashes going on.<br /><br />Our second oldest daughter was hired to be the photographer and I cannot wait to see her work. She is one very good photographer and was all over the place that night. But the photos are being held hostage until the bride and groom return from their honeymoon.<br /><br />We got to bring our oldest daughter and her boy with us so we spent a lot of time with them. And I should say, our grandson was all decked out in a full suit, I'm sure I'll post that photo on my sidebar of my blog as some point...what a handsome little dude he was that night! Our youngest daughter and myself were just a couple of goofs all night! Not a single serious photo of her out of the 500 I got on my camera that night and only a couple of me which works just fine--I prefer to hide behind the camera!<br /><br />At the end of the night we were all absolutely exhausted. Our boy and grandson fell asleep in the back seat of the car almost immediately and their heads were leaned towards each other..I couldn't resist, I had to get a photo of it and it turned out perfect! All in all it was a great night to be our family!<br /><br />Then yesterday, I was unable to post because of homework....but that post is next so stay tuned...but for now, I must retire....it's late and I need to rest!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-81170803304778378122012-02-14T09:54:00.004-06:002012-02-14T10:11:09.395-06:00Valentine's Day 2012<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhSd4Qp5fJbf2YkAekBHLNeUXWA8ditigr_vR0PbZSiBNDPP1-srYJ6BIdISCt2ORmMEXERsbTEKo9JXgJw8GbMO364DisN_zmUu5qeG85oydZ4ga9NXDsmgntv6YBDCxyMmL/s1600/Mickey-And-Minnie-Valentines-Day-Cards.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqhSd4Qp5fJbf2YkAekBHLNeUXWA8ditigr_vR0PbZSiBNDPP1-srYJ6BIdISCt2ORmMEXERsbTEKo9JXgJw8GbMO364DisN_zmUu5qeG85oydZ4ga9NXDsmgntv6YBDCxyMmL/s400/Mickey-And-Minnie-Valentines-Day-Cards.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5709024274193319394" border="0" /></a>Yep, it's once again my favorite day of the year. The day I began dating the love of my life..the one who changed my whole outlook on life and living! 27-years ago I was asked to be his girlfriend...as many may know he asked on the 13 but I refused him because of unlucky 13...it had nothing to do with Valentine's Day. In fact, I remember to this day thinking how corny and cliche it would be but I didn't care--that unlucky 13 over-ruled all of that.<br /><br />27-years of love, laughs, tears, stress, frustration, new experiences, new adventures, bumpy roads, smooth roads, kids, grandson, oh and so much more. How is it two people can tolerate each other through so much?? My own folks lasted over 50-years before my father passed away..that is a long time to endure the many challenges and unexpected with one person but man, I wouldn't change a moment!<br /><br />P asked me yesterday if instead of the usual dinner out I would like to go play some virtual golf...that guy has some really great ideas I tell ya! I am all for that. Don't woo me with roses or jewelery although I do appreciate them every once in awhile-- chocolate, hmmm now I am always open to that =0). Don't get all mushy on me...I'm not that way even though I gush endlessly about what a great man I have or other things that completely have a strangle hold on my heart.<br /><br />Yeah, even today, 27-years later, I am head over heels. Can't wait until he gets off work and we get to go pretend to golf! To get a big hug from him and feel the comfort of his arms around me and so many other wonderful things.<br /><br />Sweethearts Day....yeah, I got me one of those and he's as sweet now as he was 27-years ago....<br /><br />Happy Valentine's Day P.....couldn't be more in love..well, I take that back...each year this day comes my heart has grown more. My emotion for you has grown to unspeakable levels, the joy I have had with you all these years has far outweighed any unhappiness we, like every other couple, has endured....And once again, another year passes and I am even more convinced this year than last that I wouldn't trade a moment of the seconds I have had you in my life to love!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-45567473439688000532012-02-12T16:23:00.007-06:002012-02-14T09:54:22.925-06:00An eerie walk in the woods today<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlEZNhKVeD2u_ME9lHZIBJNuAQGnH8waZohfwR3ijXr-bZpgcvi_ivD_VTUuUTs3Bb9CfadWeOMOPaEyZgnfYRAGTAiyR4T5Ate5wUvui93wehsJDlXxklD9iuZZEbUesZJsQ0/s1600/IMG_5894.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlEZNhKVeD2u_ME9lHZIBJNuAQGnH8waZohfwR3ijXr-bZpgcvi_ivD_VTUuUTs3Bb9CfadWeOMOPaEyZgnfYRAGTAiyR4T5Ate5wUvui93wehsJDlXxklD9iuZZEbUesZJsQ0/s400/IMG_5894.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5708409918827050178" border="0" /></a><br />This photo has NOTHING to do with my photo project. P and I were out walking today in a very desolate, dry, area of marshland in search of swans. We saw them last week...about 30-40 of them from far away and decided today that we were going to find a way to get closer. Well...we got there and the swans weren't there today. P was standing on a dead tree--one of many in this area--and I was facing the other way looking around me at all the old ancient trees...many uprooted, others just look weathered and deformed. I started to think about that question, 'I wonder if anyone hears it if a tree falls' one...Needless to say, I was looking at how eerie things looked and kind of got a shiver.<br /><br />So we sat on an old fallen dead tree for about half an hour chatting and looking at an eagle...just kicking back enjoying the day and hoping by some miracle the swans would come back. We decided to make our way back after we made a small detour out on some water to poke around a bit. On our way back from the water we saw two huge masses...uprooted trees. The root base was at least a foot taller than we are. We walked around and we must have thought at the same time ... this root would be a good den for an animal...we discussed it as we got out of there but anyway, I had to take some pics of these things....The two trees had fallen in different directions--one pointing north the other pointing east. I quick shot the photos and we went on our way.<br /><br />After we got home, I loaded the photos onto my computer and came to this one, did a double take and freaked out...OMG, do you see what I see? Do you see that? That is so friggen' creepy. Neither P or I noticed it when we were there but in this photo it's clear as can be. Yeah, this happens in photos, I know...shadows create some really interesting and cool effects in photos but this...yeah, it still creeps me out to look at it! Enjoy.....Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-66984342194128750402012-02-11T19:58:00.004-06:002012-02-11T20:47:42.245-06:00366 Days of photos--Week 1 Body parts<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxgOIzaMjVrAqmHCXMpe_K3n1gMo3qJiuu67XovEkLRMFnfg1Fan-r3Gz9VeKEH-KwglxDF8hGfvEBluOJF1991YQw-pt-VzWX1QD3AbldJ6RUjdxoryF1UhI_ojqe7UV8uWlb/s1600/IMG_5879.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 317px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxgOIzaMjVrAqmHCXMpe_K3n1gMo3qJiuu67XovEkLRMFnfg1Fan-r3Gz9VeKEH-KwglxDF8hGfvEBluOJF1991YQw-pt-VzWX1QD3AbldJ6RUjdxoryF1UhI_ojqe7UV8uWlb/s320/IMG_5879.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5708074711785442978" border="0" /></a><br />Our daughter has found a love for photography! Woohoo....all four of our kids have the knack and well, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But our second oldest is pushing me to join her in a project. A photo a day for 366 days--leap year this year--each week is a new topic. I am loving it!<br /><br />As for our daughter...she has been quickly building her photography <span style="font-style: italic;">hobby</span> into something that may very well turn into a future studio. In two weeks she will be photographing her first wedding--my nephew's. She's excited, nervous, and giddy all at the same time. She has a whole slew of very up to day camera equipment that she's been purchasing. She has a list of people who want her to photograph their children, two beautiful camera bodies, long lenses, short lenses, fish-eye lenses, a lens baby and all sorts of other stuff.<br /><br />She is rekindling my love of the art that is photography. I recently bought a used digital camera and am falling in love with it's abilities despite the fact that I vowed to never own one of them. I caved into my own stubbornness..yep, I admit it. My bad. But to my credit, I am going to school for IT so I guess I better get with the times and learn about all these electronic devices--yeah, I know, that's weak! lol<br /><br />So anyway, she's been pushing me to pick up my camera more and get cracking. She wants me to work in her studio when she opens one....she makes me remember that there was something I really enjoyed, that I was decent at, and that I still have it. I've taken more pictures in the last 4 months than I have in the last four years......behind the lens..there is just something about that that gives me peace. Fishing, golfing, the long, five mile walks P and I have been going on...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGM_qje1PMWaTWmtZGE07N1BO8A6QyVfsM1slO1MA7rOt06kPuTXdUJ4vYn1YH6qClmnCCSs1VvtrBJFrhONNEo5t-Nhyphenhyphen4oDqUVsYdjvZ-z7ijutAyZLMBEL8UZxHC-l0E2us/s1600/IMG_5823.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 223px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGM_qje1PMWaTWmtZGE07N1BO8A6QyVfsM1slO1MA7rOt06kPuTXdUJ4vYn1YH6qClmnCCSs1VvtrBJFrhONNEo5t-Nhyphenhyphen4oDqUVsYdjvZ-z7ijutAyZLMBEL8UZxHC-l0E2us/s320/IMG_5823.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5708075176448603250" border="0" /></a>So, I told her I would take part in this really cool project. <a href="http://www.digital-photography-school.com/53-weekly-themes-for-your-2011-project-365">366 days of photos is what it's called</a>. The site offers an spreadsheet that lists all the weeks of this year; each week is a new topic and as I looked at it my mind started racing with ideas that I could do for each week...no worries, I won't be posting 366 photos here--some but not all..I may have to create a special blog but either way...I haven't missed a day. And the best part is learning to use my camera--my digital camera, natural light, and using shadows to my advantage...and seeing the progress.<br /><br />Yeah, I've missed those days of taking pictures just for the fun of it but it's been pretty easy to remember how very much a part of me it was and still is....here's just threeLouiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-41867857219882675582012-01-20T12:13:00.003-06:002012-01-20T13:12:32.905-06:00Our WeeMan is three today!Today is our grandson's third birthday and it sure is a day of remembering for some reason. He came into our lives and we were in a shocked/limbo kind of state. He was born nine months to the day of my father's death, he came into the world on Obama's inauguration day, and I will never forget looking into his eyes the first time and seeing my father's eyes.<br /><br />At first I didn't know what to think...people picking on us about being young grandparents, our daughter so young herself, the idea of this new little life in our family, and still mourning the loss of my father...that seems to never go away btw except it does ease a bit, except around holidays. But this little WeeMan of ours...<br /><br />He was the new life, the new beginning of a new phase of our family. The end of thinking we were just parents and our kids were going to go on to do great things like marry good mates, have great jobs, go to college...it's truly amazing how reality slaps people in the face when they are least expecting it.<br /><br />Our daughter has done an exceptional job with this little guy...he is a character, full of life and energy, learning new things everyday, a daredevil like his mama always was, his smile lights up any room...oh could I gush about him.<br /><br />I never could comprehend that special feeling that people always talk about--grandparents and their grandchildren. That connection was something I never even thought about..perhaps because I wasn't prepared to be a gamma, as Wee so lovingly calls me. The kid hops into my lap and wraps his little arms so tightly around my neck that there are times I am choking. He gives me fishy kisses, tells me loves me, calls me and the first words from his mouth when I say hello are, "Happy Birthday Gamma" lol.<br /><br />Maybe it was because all I knew was how to be a mom and holding a child that looks so much like our first born was a bit awkward at first...he has her eyes, her cheeks, and so many other traits of hers. He looks like our son on some days. So much so that even his own mama thought that a picture of our son from long ago was her boy....<br /><br />Oh I do love being a gamma...special weekends with him, seeing him and our daughter every other week to go shopping and he'll grab something off the shelf and ask if I will get it for him, hearing him tell me he loves me or Happy Birthday just like Frosty the Snowman...<br /><br />He is very dear to P and I. Poor P hardly ever gets to see him so I send him pics when I can and I can just hear the envy in P's voice when we talk. He adores that little guy so much.<br /><br />Anyway...today marks year three of being grandparents to an amazing little grandson. His mama is a good mama, dotes on him like most of us doted on our own, spends a lot of quality time with him, preparing him for preschool already, taking him out to enjoy and appreciate nature and all that surrounds him...I couldn't be more proud of her and the little boy she calls her son. He is just as amazing as his mama was at his age and will most certainly continue to be so despite her frustrations with his stubbornness and selective hearing. I just laugh and laugh whenever she complains about his attitude or his defiance....heck that's all I can do because I been there done that! Now I know what my mom meant when she would tell me, 'you just wait, your day is coming'. I often hear those words spill from my mouth but I must keep to myself the words, 'I told you so'. teeheehee<br /><br />Tomorrow we go to her house to celebrate the third milestone for all of us. I know the day will be great, that I will stoop down and tell Wee to come give me a hug and he will run into my arms and do just that. I love hugs from my hubby and my kids but I have to say those coming from that little guy have a new place in my heart..one specifically meant for him and all the future grandkids that I'm sure P and I will have.<br /><br />Happy Birthday to our wee grandson today!!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-32976497985600004122011-12-29T13:00:00.003-06:002011-12-29T13:39:19.120-06:00New Years 2012So far this vacation has been absolutely wonderful--well except for two days of a stomach bug for myself but I'm better today thank goodness! A lot of laughs, relaxation, visits to the grandparents, visiting my father's grave, and just being lazy. Yep, lazy! What a concept.<br /><br />P and I were just discussing how there's only five days left and it just put a sour taste in my mouth. The thought of him going back to work, the kids going back to school, and my computer becoming a permanent fixture on my lap everyday...yuk. So, I'm not going to think of that.<br /><br />As I anticipate the coming New Year, I think back to the last year. It's been a tough year for us...lots of things breaking--cars, boat motors, fishing poles, water mains, water heaters, deck doors..all within just a few months. How resilient we all are to these dumb things..how we all manage to get over that hump each and every time something puts a halt on our progress to better things.<br /><br />Ahh, the human spirit. I speak of it a lot. The ability to laugh things off, the ability to learn, grow, and adjust accordingly. The ability to bounce back. If there is one thing about most of us it's that we don't look back and dwell but we move forward and use that past as a step. If a person dwells they only live in their own pool of sorrow and become a victim and frankly that in and of itself is a sad thing.<br /><br />What is New Years? Why is it such a big to-do? Frankly, I don't really know. It's just another day with a new number much like a birthday..another year older, another way to confuse me if I have to write out the date on a check or some form...resolutions are made, great things expected, but in the end, after January 30 we are all adjusted to the new year by then, doing taxes, and life goes on just like last year. Some get new jobs, others get married or divorced, have babies, lose weight, quit smoking, we all age another year but in the end it's just life moving on.<br /><br />For me, it's relishing the moments I have with those I love, with friends I've made, cherishing milestones of my children and grandson, and simply enjoying another day to live and breathe. Each day is a new beginning for myself--anticipating what that day will bring. Maybe I'm not one to plan ahead and make a regimented schedule of how my life will be by the next year. That's just not my style. One day at a time is more my style. All I can say is that I know I'll be fishing, playing golf, and continuing my schooling next year while seeking out a job. These are the only things I know but they are not resolutions, they are those things I have to do to grow and enjoy my life with my family and friends.<br /><br />Yeah, holidays make me a scrooge at times. Generally I'm a Christmas scrooge but this year there was much to be thankful for and a general peace surrounding the holiday. New Years? Well...to all those out there that do in fact find this day to be a new start I wish you all the best of luck in your resolutions, hope that the New Year brings you everything you hope, and that everyone stays safe and sound in their celebration of those bigger and better things! For myself? I will resolve to not be such a scrooge next year but yeah, that is yet to be seen. ;0)~<br /><br />Happy New Year to everyone!!!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19007775.post-6135900233019617662011-12-24T16:40:00.003-06:002011-12-24T16:56:25.973-06:00Merry Christmas 2011Christmas is here; a day to spend with those you love; a day to create more memories and share laughs together; a day to enjoy the little things in life that often times get forgotten or are taken for granted. A day to remember why we are here and how lucky we all are to be alive--to live, laugh, and love.<br /><br />Remember those who are serving our country, take a moment to thank them for their sacrifices, to realize that while we sit in the comfort of our homes with our significant others and/or our children that there are men and women thousands of miles from home, away from their wives and children, their parents and siblings. While we all sit and feast and share gifts and conversations the troops away from home can only send a video or talk over the internet or a phone call. They cannot see the delight in their children's eyes as they open up their favorite toy, or the tears of another missing them...they cannot hug their parents or their families. Think of those families who have a loved one in Iraq, or Afghanistan and imagine that lonely place at the table, the inability to share a child's glee, or a simple kiss under the mistletoe...remember!<br /><br />Merry Christmas to everyone who may read this blog! Merry Christmas to my father who is watching over my family and is very missed by us all. Merry Christmas to wonderful friends and family who have been by my side through thick and thin. And mostly, Merry Christmas to my husband and my children...those who have never wavered in their love and support..those who have loved me despite my flaws and short-comings. I couldn't be happier than I am at this moment..I am so very blessed to have who and what I have in this life. Love, life, breath, and happiness....there is no gift greater than that!<br /><br />Merry Christmas and may you all enjoy this holiday season as much as we will!!!!Louiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01892246023530476647noreply@blogger.com0